New Work Week - Early Fall

It is Monday and today I wanted to do a reset. I felt like I've sort of slipped some in terms of having some kind of routine. Whixh is probably why some days I wake up with a sense of anxiety and I don't even know why. And so this morning I went back to the basics: a good dose of meditation and almost an hour of my own affirmations that I made of myself and uploaded to YouTube. I played theta beats in the background while that was playing too, in order to facilitate getting it straight through to my subconscious. And then of course there was the exercise regimen. I had gotten away from the Nitric Oxide dump exercises as well and today I revived it too, and added the usual aerobics routine. Oh and I did manage to put in some work too, getting the Business Continuity meeting done in the morning. By then I had finally taken a shower, noting that I hadn't actually taken one since Thursday morning. I am embarassed to admit that, and I'm glad I'm not stinking up my own apartment. But that's how distracted I've been this weekend. I reminded myself to allow myself to be in the moment more. And like golf, I tried to slow myself down. Made myself eggs and corned beef hash for breakfast, focused on keeping my vibration high all day, keeping myself aware when my mind wandered off to negative things. The anxiety that i felt centered around work stuff, which was why I focused on providing massive value and I also remembered that work isn't real what is supposed to drive me, if I am to stick to my Purpose of helping others find themselves too. I don't have a game plan for that. And perhaps that's what I should be focusing on too, while I allow my job to provide for my relatively comfortable lifestyle. I also realize that tomorrow is Johnnie's birthday and I bought a trampoline online from Amazon for his present. That would be in addition to the Van's I already bought for him on Saturday. But I can't complain spending for all these things. Lisa had made our annual contribution to Mar Vista Elementary, and threw in another $500. We donated $2000 in all, and I already had all that money in our joint checking account anyway. So it wasn't like I even felt the donation, unlike last year. I am grateful that I am in such good financial shape. I should feel good about myself physically too, as I walked to Ralphs in the early afternoon to enjoy another nice and still warm October day. I felt like I had a stop-and-smell-the-roses moment and that's a good thing for a Monday.

Of course the world stops around 5:30 pm when I have to go pick up Johnnie at Lisa's. Today she even called me to let me know they were home. By then I was already on the way after I had made some pasta and lots of it for Johnnie's chicken soup for the entire week. And actually when I picked him up he asked to go to Panda Express for dinner. He was caked with dirt on both his legs, and Lisa told me they had gone a long way biking. Guess I'm going to have to clean that up before he goes to bed. I obliged only because Lisa had asked to have dinner tomorrow night for the three of us to celebrate Johnnie's birthday. And Johnnie wanted to go to Ooops sushi halfway between my apartment and Lisa's office. That would ensure there would be no Panda Express tomorrow which made it ok to go tonight. Anyway, how could I possibly refuse THAT request?! In the back of my mind, there might be some realization on my part that Lisa actually does wish we could spend time together more although it is ME that is actually suppressing that. I fought so hard to be with her when we were married and when she let go, I let go too. And it's hard to reach back any more. We're just friends now and it's always a 50-50 proposition now whether I like her or not on any given day. I remind myself that THAT too is a choice on my part. And tomorrow I will choose to like her again no matter what.  Besides, I see Johnnie is happiest when both mommy and daddy are paying attention to him together. But all that is tomorrow. Tonight, Johnnie is back to his jovial, Octonaut and Jurassic World watching self in my apartment, playing and jumping around all over the couch. Look at the pic of him that i posted.  I can't wait for that trampoline to actually get here tomorrow to help save my couch. I watched some of the Jurassic World with him, shared a pumpkin pie for dessert, and went to bed early. Early for me anyway. I can always count on catching up on sleep when Johnnie is in the house.  Both dad and son need it. After all, tomorrow IS a pretty big day.