Thursday and April Wind Down

So it IS Thursday, which also happens to be the last day of April 2020. And WHAT an April it was, probably the most unique in most of our lifetimes. This was the month we dug in and hunkered down with stay-at-home mandates and walked around outside with face coverings and such. This is the month we started to get used to a new normal as this week winds up finishing the 6th week we've all been working from home. The working from home part has been pretty easy actually. I think it's the Johnnie-not-going-to-school and Lisa and I taking turns playing teacher has been much tougher, at least from my perspective. And it wasn't exactly the mornings with him since I've actually developed a routine and rhythm when following his teacher Ms Gee's Lesson Plan. The trick is we're usually done by lunchtime and so I have to figure out stuff to keep him occupied in the afternoon. Therein lies the work isn't it? How to keep him occupied without parking him in front of the TV or the iPad. Sometimes we go outside and play baseball. But it gets really tough when I have meetings and I pretty much have to leave him alone. He usually ends up drawing something or doing something creative, thank god he's at least very independent that way. This morning was his meet-up with his class via Zoom. And although shorter than usual because his class already met up last night he still managed to present his "favorite season" drawing. I think he was the one of only 2 kids who said fall was his favorite. Why not fall? It's his birthday season. Plus, his favorite thing of all comes in the fall: Halloween! So anyway Johnnie did his Zoom class meeting and then I made him a pizza for lunch. Just a routine Thursday by now.

I ended up having 2 meetings this afternoon, and so I did have to park him in front of the TV watching Tumble Leaf. But I also managed to get some play time in with him as well. I knew full well it was hand-off night tonight and I always maximize our time together on Thursdays. Wasn't it just a few months ago that I would take him to Mitsuwa for a quick dinner before heading him off to Cornerstone Music Conservatory for Lisa's supposed violin lessons? Man how long did we end up doing THAT before Lisa wised up. Driving home after dropping him off always felt like a kick in the gut back then. Not all that different still actually. Still I did manage to get a video clip of Johnnie and I horsing around. Watching it makes me laugh. As it always will. As soon as the late afternoon huddle wound down I got Johnnie some chicken strips from Carl's jr. He's always liked those things even from the time he was barely 3 years old and I gave him his first taste of it at a Carl's jr in Santa Barbara. And tonight, it is dinner. And then by 6 PM, Lisa came by from her office and picked him up. He always knows when his mom is coming. He ends up drawing her SOMETHING. And then when they drove off and I did my evening walk, I still felt like I got punched in the gut. Not as hard anymore. But I felt it just the same. I finished my 11,000+ steps then had an hour-long talk with Jodi. I do think that woman likes me. We talked about possibly meeting up this weekend. We'll see. Not so much to clean up tonight. I had done a pretty good job of clean-up maintenance all week long. Just watched an episode of SIREN, then off to bed. Not going to be a 7 1/2 hr sleep like last night. But I'm not staying up way past midnight either. Just a nice end to the month of April that I don't think I'll ever forget.

My Inner Self Answered

I woke up early this morning and in that half-asleep state thought it was a good time to meditate and commune with my Higher Self. I focused on merely connecting and asking my Higher Self to identify the parts of me that was afraid or felt "not enough". I asked that part of me why it was difficult to let go. Immediately the answer came and very audibly and loudly. Johnnie who was sleeping soundly next to me, blurted out "SCARED". Wow. I did get an answer. My ego-self was scared and was trying to get my attention.  I had to mentally and emotionally give it a hug, thank it for it's efforts, but also asked it to let go and that we're all good. I focused on more positive thoughtforms. THE UNIVERSE HAS MY BACK ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. I AM ENOUGH. MORE THAN ENOUGH. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. What a profound meditation it turned out to be!

Building a Fort

So Wednesday morning routine is to get Johnnie up and out of the apartment by 8:24. Why the odd time? Because the agreed time to drop Johnnie off at Lisa's house is 8:30 AM and I am usually on time. Not a dig at anyone, just the way I choose to operate with Lisa not that I'd get the same courtesy. The Wednesday drop-off is now the new normal, at least until Lisa goes back to work again and I'm actually ok with it although as fate would have it, the last couple of Wednesdays have not actually been all that busy. I just see it as an opportunity to get exercise in at lunchtime where I normall wouldn't get to when Johnnie is with me. And I pick him up early anyway to go to Panda Express night. I am clinging on to Panda Express night. Today the arrangements may be a little different because of the Build-a-Fort night scheduled for 7 PM tonight with Johnnie's class and I was the one that volunteered it to be at Lisa's house not only because her living room space is bigger, but also because I thought she'd want to see it and participate. She hasn't actually attended any Zoom meetings since they started. It's like she's afraid of the technology or something. Today she immediately asked me to pick up Johnnie earlier than usual. That would be because she has a piano lesson at 3:45 and far be it for me to refuse. In fact, I'm happy to pick him up early. That would ensure daddy-and-son Panda Express night before we have to go back to Lisa's house for Build-a-Fort. And so it was that I had a couple of not-so-important meetings today. But I did manage to get started on my steps early. I wanted to make sure I had 11,000 or close to it by the time we were back at Lisa's. After all, who knows when that is going to end and how close it would be to Johnnie's bedtime. And I got to 10,000 by right after lunch at that. The day went by pretty quickly and I was at Lisa's by 3 PM to pick up Johnnie. Lisa beat me to the punch actually. She called before then asking to come and go for a run with Johnnie and the dog. That would be a yellow flag, ESPECIALLY if she isn't coming along. That means Johnnie has gotten under her skin. Or something has. Mom and son met me with the dog right in the side gate and she handed him off telling me to go run with him for an hour. I get it that she has piano lessons. I get it that Johnnie wants to run with the dog. We ran around the block for a bit and then I realized that I needed to be back by 4 PM for my last meeting. And so we just dropped off Zucko the dog and took off. Lisa was perplexed why we were back so early. I wasn't going to explain anything. And then she said to go ahead and do the Build-a-fort thing at my house and she didn't need to be there. OK then. I guess she IS on overwhelm right about now. This is the time I knew not to even bother to say anything else. Off we went back to the apartment. Everyone is better off.

And so it was that we went home, I did my last meeting and then we did our usual Panda Express run. This time I got my iced tea pomegranate pineapple drink too. And then we built our fort. Turned out that the 2 benches from the dining table made EXCELLENT side supports. And with my queen size throw blanket over the top? Voila! We had a pretty good looking fort! Johnnie stuffed the inside with all the pillows I had. And took the technicolor-dream-coat throw as his blanket. Who needs Lisa's house?!! And then when the Zoom meeting started, we were one of the first ones on, that's how excited I was. I took a picture to send to Lisa. And it was Jodi, the new woman I've been talking to on Match that texted about how things were going. Heck she showed more interest than Lisa did sad to say. And so I texted her a picture too. Anyway I posted a video snippet of the Zoom session with Ms Gee reading a couple of books. And then she opened it up to the kids reading a couple of pages from their books. Johnnie picked Pete the Cat has the hiccups. How he remembered where I stashed that book I don't even know. But he did read. And I was so excited that he was really engaged. This event turned out to be pretty successful. And one that I'm going to remember. I was in such high vibration afterwards even though Johnnie sort of got discombobulated with the time and ran into the bathroom to take his shower when the event got done. It was only 8 PM. That's ok. Not a bad idea to get an early night's sleep. For me too. I could have called Jodi and talked some... but I decided I was going to have thie time, this moment alone Johnnie and I. It should have been shared with his mom but perfectly ok if she wasn't all that interested. Johnnie doesn't have to ever know. And so it was that I went to bed at barely 9 PM too tonight. It will help make up for the TV binging I'm sure to do this weekend LOL LOL. But it turned out to be a pretty good day.

Tuesday Classroom

The Tuesday morning routine is now Johnnie classroom routine. That's because I would have picked him up the night before [which I did] and he would sleep until I nudge him to wake up. By THAT time I would have already had at least a 15-20 minute quiet meditation session to lock down my intentions for the day. For today the focus is to keep my vibration high and to make sure I am self-aware... that is to realize when my ego kicks in with negative thoughts. Part of my mental diet such as it were. I remind myself that all these negative thoughts, reactions, are simply "software programs" in my head. Boy when framed that way, it sure does take away a lot of its power. It means that this program got installed there a long time ago, no different than it is a piece of old software on an existing computer. And it needs to be upgraded, updated, and/or replaced altogether. For today I simply want to practice being aware when these programs kick in and be aware of my own reactions. Observation is the very first step and by itself already a very powerful act. And then I get to choose. Even the length of the reaction is by itself a part of the programming. What I need to do is to stick to my Mental Diet and make sure I minimize the external stuff that tends to pull me in that negative direction. Does that mean the external world is largely negative? I think it's the PROGRAM itself looking for stuff to get me to react. My learning objective is to remember that I DO have the power to override the program. And that I have a whole bunch of tools (NLP, EFT, etc etc) already in my toolkit to be able to do just that. And so it is that as soon as Johnnie got done with his breakfast, we move on to his lessons. It was about 8:30 when we got started. I took a pic of him doing his high-frequency words. And then later on in the morning I posted a pic of him doing his PE class. It was only 5 minutes long but at least I got it done. I even threw in yesterday's class that Lisa missed. And the ART class that Lisa missed as well. For someone so left-brained for the life of me I don't see how she is not able to follow the structure laid out by the lesson plan Ms Gee provides. It is SO simple. So much so we're done with the entire day's lesson before lunch almost always. And that is with plenty of breaks in between, usually coinciding with a Zoom meeting I have to be in. Today, it's just a huddle with my IS TEam so it really wasn't all that busy. I still managed to have the mid-morning sprint that Johnnie and I usually do. I can feel he's really starting to grow and fill out and get stronger. And THAT is a very good thing. Too bad he no longer takes a nap after lunch. It was just a year ago that he was still doing that. Today, after his lessons are all done, I have to figure out a way to keep him occupied until my last meeting of the day... which is the Huddle at 4 PM. Fortunately I also know that there are a lot of board meetings going on today as well. Which means all the C's are otherwise occupied. I sort of took advantage of the down time to do an online class of my own, which is really my own IS Security Training. I got myself with my own phishing test. Sigh. That and I finally got to signing a whole slew of invoices. Yes I spent the afternoon doing busy work. So what? I'm working aren't I?

Anyway I did manage to take a break early afternoon so Johnnie and I could take advantage of a nice spring day. Played baseball in the barbecue area in fact. There was a woman there making a phone call. Another tenant playing with his dog. All socially distanced of course but we're all making do. I wanted to make sure Johnnie was sharp. After all, the games have to start again at some point. We're simply hoping it is this summer, although that by itself is not a foregone conclusion. I thought about what a post-pandemic world would look like. All these people bugging on their businesses to open again. What do they think would happen once they open? You don't think some yahoo is going to sue you if he happens to get sick in your facility? It would be just the same as him slipping and falling wouldn't it? Anyway there would be no Huddle today because of all the Board meetings but right as it hit 5 PM Johnnie and i are out by the barbecue area like we had been the almost every Tuesday night, Johnnie kicking the soccer ball, me barbecuing. The kicking the soccer ball thing is losing its steam with him though. I think he's now bored of it... which means I have to figure out a different way to keep him amused and occupied while I barbecue Italian sausage. I could just as easily leave him in the house watching TV, but I do wish I would still be able to keep an eye on him. As it was, we did manage to finish the Italian sausage, Johnnie did play chase with me which was good to keep my steps number up. So much so I finished 11,000 steps by 8 PM!  And then I made myself some fried rice to boot. Italian sausage fried rice it is for me for my dinner. And of course I still had to make chocolate chip cookies. It is STILL Tuesday night isn't it? Later on, I would get to talk to Jodi via Google Duo and Johnnie basically kept watching Dinosaur Train all afternoon and pretty much for the rest of the evening. As far as Tuesday classroom... it was all pretty routine and I think I'm going to let Johnnie settle in with his current level before I look for more advanced stuff for him to learn. Maybe we will focus on other things... such as riding a real scooter.  The good thing is that with Johnnie in the house, I am sure to get some nice sleep tonight. And upon further review, I did manage to keep my vibration high for the most part today. Just another Johnnie daddy-and-son-bonding day such as it were. THAT is a very good thing.

Reset Monday

Ahhh another work at home week, and for all indications we have at least a month of it I think. And as I write that I can't help but think I'm already accustomed to it enough to the point of if and when we come back, I think I'm going to want to work remotely most, if not all the time. And if not, be sure to line up something that would do just and work for myself anyway. Which was the goal that I gave myself but really haven't done much about it. I have to think it's because there is something blocking me from going all in on that... perhaps the fear of failure and uncertainty. And that's ok.  I'm cautious by nature anyway. It only LOOKS like I"m reckless. But every move on my part is actually calculated and calculated heavily. That much I have to give myself. And so as I roll into the Business Continuity Meeting mid-morning today I did focus on my intentions for work and my intentions otherwise. For work there is a list of the things I need to get done in order to feel accomplished for the week. And then I visualized that my team and I (I.S.) continue to get acknowledgement this week. I visualized feeling secure in my job, and in general focusing on feeling how much I really do matter. Not egotistically, but that I provide great value and it is noticed. I wanted to check in on my team too since they all had to work OT this past weekend. But I simply didn't have time to this morning.

Anyway, I wanted to have a nice walk by lunchtime, maybe get in a little nap in as well. I actually started to walk to Whole Foods... but decided to drive there instead since I was hungry. And got myself a carnitas burrito for lunch. Who KNEW they had burritos?? By the time I got back I suddenly remembered I had a 1 PM consulting call with Docusign so I could onboard. I had only been trying to get this account off the ground for a month now. I lost sleep thinking about how it got stuck in the contracting approval process. And last week once and for all I did manage to get the contract through. And by 2 PM today after my consulting call, I knew what i was doing and was able to log in and administer users. Just in the nick of time too. As at least 2 of the EAs had bugged me last week about when I was deploying the account. A-HA!!! All done now!!! One HUGE thing off my back. I was J-u-s-t about to do my afternoon walk when I get a call from Lisa. She wanted to make arrangements for the Johnnie pick-up. It was only 3 PM at this time. Her calling this early means he has gotten on her nerves... or at least she was occupied doing something else and needed him out of her hair. LOL. Hey I do the same thing right? She wanted to know if I could pick him up early today. Since there was no afternoon huddle today I was only all too happy to do the pickup early. And so I went to Lisa's office where he was and found mom and son deep diving into one of his lessons. My sense was that she had pretty much ignored him all day and now that I'm here she's rushing through 4 days of lessons in 5 minutes. He looked confused. Well of course he would. Of course I would trigger a sense of guilt in her. She knows full well about our routines and how different they were. She mentioned food <check>, the rest of the lessons <check> and it was all i could not to tell her that "I got this"... just let him go with me. Which she did and we were off to my apartment. THe first thing he asked for was something to eat. Shocking I know. I picked up some chicken strips for him at Carl's Jr and he did eat most of it! And then we finished his lessons for today. I really REALLy don't see what takes Lisa too long. I think what it is is that she focuses on the stuff he has to share with his class and make sure that it is HER imprint that is on it. Which is just fine with me. In the end I did remember something I read sometime this past weekend. Every kid just wants to be heard. To me as long as he has something he wants to share, and feels good about sharing it, that's good enough. I don't really care so much about the content. OK maybe I care a little... but not to the extent that Lisa does. As for me, I was good making myself some beef chow mein for dinner. And then goofing around with Johnnie the rest of the evening. I even got a break from worrying when to call Jodi when she texted me and simply requested we talk tomorrow. Fantastic! Johnnie and I did a fairly routine Monday evening of Tumble Leaf and play... he managed to remember he had play-doh at the apartment and certainly rediscovered it tonight. I did manage to keep the apartment clean... if I went through all the trouble this past weekend I WILL keep it clean for at least another day. And then it was an early night for me. My body needed it I think. Monday in the books...

Apartment Cleaning Day

I woke up this morning and I actually had the mindset that I'm not going over to Lisa's today. I won't get to see Johnnie but that's ok. I had seen him the last couple of days and had some nice bonding time with him yesterday. I'll get him tomorrow. Besides, with Courtney hanging out over there, it was far less likely that Johnnie would ask his mom to have me over. And so today with that in mind, I had it in my head to finish cleaning my apartment by lunchtime. I had gotten started yesterday actually with the kitchen. Today I just didn't think about it. I just started doing it. I did note that when I got started it was right about the time I'd usually be teeing off somewhere. I do miss playing Sunday golf. But that's ok. I will just have to do something else, and cleaning my apartment was very necessary anyway.  And so i worked on the the living room first and then the dining area. And then the bathroom floor and then the bedroom. And by lunchtime I only had a small area left to do... the area by the washer/dryer, and the entrance area at the front door. And so I decided to finish off the turkey deli I had with a couple of slices of cheese and cole slaw too. And then I decided to watch the rest of the new episodes of the Last Kingdom and the saga of Uhtred. But before I really got into it I also did a video call with Jodi for the first time. First impressions? She is a nice woman and more than likely into more of the same stuff as I am. Whether we find sparks is something we have yet to see but so far we already talk enough for about an hour each time. Or should I say, I talk mostly. I didn't know I was such a yakker. Or maybe it's just me trying not to be nervous. Anyway we had sort of a video date and then we decided we'd keep on talking next week. We'll see where this goes.

And so back to the story of Uhtred of Bebbanburg. I went back to one of the lessons I learned just yesterday when I saw the video on Joseph's Campbell's A Hero's journey. He postulates that all the movies that are cultural icons, Star Wars, Harry Potter, the Matrix, on and on and on share a high level plotline that can be modeled by our own lives no matter how mundane those might seem. It starts with a hero living a seemingly "normal" or even below normal existence and gets called to an adventure because of life event. Sometimes these life events seem mundane too. This call to an adventure usually involves meeting a mentor and then crossing into the UNKNOWN, facing trials and perhaps failure and then growth. And then the protagonist undoubtedly grows into this new identity, wins a final challenge and then finds atonement before he goes "home" a whole new and different person. This hero's journey is very evident in the newest series I'm watching "the Last Kingdom". But I also can't help but identify with it somewhat. Only because I seem to be moving into a new existence spiritually and emotionally. I had been moving in a different direction since the divorce and my journey first seemed like I was just finding new footing and settling into a new life as a single dad. But I am now discovering a new awareness that I have a bigger purpose I need to fulfill. It's not just about finding happiness but also fulfillment. And I've always known simply going through my 9-5 "normal" corporate existence was not going to be enough. How I navigate through what seems to be an impending transition is what remains to be seen doesn't it. And so for now I need to remember this different calling and be open to messages and directions from my Higher Self. AND finish cleaning my apartment LOL. By the end of the evening I never did hear from Lisa and that was perfectly ok. It was good simply to integrate learnings and distinctions from the past few weeks, enjoy a clean apartment and eat my great beef stew for dinner. And get ready for a new work week. 

A Relaxed Saturday

I started the day with breakfast over at Lisa's and as I got there here's Johnnie already setting up picnic on the floor and Lisa and Courtney in the kitchen. Great! All I gotta do is play with Johnnie until food is ready and then eat! Which is essentially what happened. I didn't do too much meditating this morning, choosing to still focus mainly on keeping my vibration as high as possible and becoming more aware of my own emotions. One A-HA distinction I did get was that I need to ACCEPT that other people are not perfect, that they have agendas, and that those agendas do not necessarily mesh with mine [but partly because I need to consciously and constantly choose my interactions and emotional intersections with people], and that MOST people are not at the same level of self-awareness and spiritual awareness as I am. And that last part is not a reason for separateness but more an even bigger to be compassionate. If I am to help people, and I mean A LOT of people, then how could I possibly do that if walk around looking down on them? And how could I do that anyway and claim to be self-aware. THAT is simply my ego needing to be right. AND that part of me too I need to accept. All that is internal work. And what better forces to help me learn these lessons than Lisa and Courtney together LOL LOL. For her part Lisa admitted that Courtney somehow stabilizes her emotionally and for that alone she may be worth all the flakiness and quirks, at least for Lisa. And it may be that Lisa does the same for Courtney. Either way it's good for both of them, at least for pockets of time. Then again, that would be Lisa's tolerance level anyway right? Even hanging with Johnnie by herself will push her to her limits. Which is why I'm here. And so after breakfast you could find me playing with Johnnie (see pic) while Courtney off to some flower garden to look for plants. Lisa played piano and actually got about a half hour before her usual parade of phone calls started. I left a little past noon. I had spent a couple of hours with Johnnie and I'm coming back tonight for dinner anyway. Best to chill for the afternoon. AND take a nap. I'm posting pics of the rest of the morning here.

I would come back later on in the evening for dinner. And Lisa had requested that we eat steaks tonight. W-h-a-t? Steaks? OK then. I went to Ralphs and picked up some of their best New York cuts, picked up Panda Express for Johnnie and got to Lisa's with the barbecue already on. Funny how I remembered putting this thing together. I didn't even know she had gotten the gas connection working. She had to make a comment about me not putting it together correctly but then again I remind myself that is the work isn't it? Not to take comments like that personally. Instead I put on the steaks and we had a perfectly fine dinner.

And we capped the evening off watching the movie Tangled which Johnnie and I had already seen but it was awesome to find a Frozen 2 replacement movie! Lisa had been drinking wine and by this time she was almost looped. But that's ok. We had a prefectly good dinner-and-a-movie night and I was home by 9 PM. A nice Saturday it turned out to be.

First Heatwave of the Year

I celebrate my part in the rhythm of my present reality. While also acknowledging that it is a reality I myself created.

It had started to get hot earlier in the week. And by today, it had gotten considerably warmer. So much so I was actually feeling hot already when I woke up first thing. I did manage to do some inner reflection before getting my day started, and by that I meant simply getting to shower. I remember I didn't even get a chance to do that a week ago Friday. This morning I reflected on the old movie Groundhog Day, a bit of a viral thing going on in social media as someone managed to compare what went on in the movie with what's going on with all of us today. We're all seemingly trapped in a timewarp all of us. We're all Phil Connors now. And in the movie I recall he was not able to get out of the loop as much as he tried and as much as he did stuff to benefit himself. In the end only when he found his heart, only when he started to focus on the good he was able to do to help others, only when he started to realize he had bettered himself by focusing on learning other skills was he able to get out of the loop. And maybe, just maybe that's what has to happen now for all of us. Hmmm... In the meantime, IF I were at the FRB I'd be thinking about what movie to hit at lunch time, this day being a good candidate day for a Hump Day after all. And this being a hot day, I'm sure some people would have been flocking to the beach. But alas, LA County beaches remain closed (see pic I posted). And so all I can really do today... is actually my job LOL. I did my team meeting at 9:30, made sure all was prepped for the weekend move, did the CCALAC meeting at 1:00 PM, talked about more telehealth. Boy did the meeting devolve into a 45-minute discussion on billing issues. Fortunately I had already had lunch by then, which was a nice spaghetti and Arnel Bolognese. AND I had already done some cardio walk, run-light jogging outside around the neighborhood for a good 40 minutes, nicely ramping up my fit stats for the day. By the time I moderated the 3 PM Friday Huddle I was ready to go. And THAT meeting got done inside of 45 minutes as well. I was at Trader Joe's lining up to go get the week's groceries before 4 PM. Only today there was no line! Or at least I was the very first person in line. And I not only did my groceries but I also did my good deed for the day, sent a text to Lisa and I got her HER groceries as well.  That would be 2 weeks in a row not that she will remember later on when all this is well behind us. Still, I didn't care about that. Actually all I cared about was that she had eggs and milk so Johnnie could have decent food. I dropped off her 3 bags full of groceries (to my ONE might I add), realized that Courtney was actually in the house but taking a nap. smh. At least I got a chance to see Johnnie if only for 10 minutes. This would ensure there would be no 4-day gap between seeing him this weekend, which would have been likely, had there been no stay-at-home social-distancing in effect. And especially since I'm already invited to come to breakfast first thing tomorrow morning and Lisa also talked about barbecuing steaks for dinner. W-h-a-t? No fish? This I would have to see. I went on home and finished my 11,000 steps pretty early.  And then chilled on my couch watching a Netflix action movie. I also made myself some beef stew for dinner. And actually made enough for two MORE meals after that. I think I did accomplish my intentions for the day which was to simply focus on keeping my vibration as high as possible and keep my awareness up for negative slip-ups. Work on my mental diet such as it were. I am aware that these slip-ups are common and should be expected. What I can do for now is learn to accept these negative aspects of myself and learn to make peace with my own ego. After all, it TOO is trying to do its best for me. It IS trying to keep me safe too. Not something to eliminate, but something to manage and work with. It is just a bit misguided due to old programming. I need to show it that those things I fear, may be mostly false and unreal. So I need to work on that app upgrade now LOL.

The Johnnie Barometer

I let Johnnie sleep in just a bit longer this morning. But that was actually me selfishly making time so I could do some meditation first thing. I'm back to intending something yesterday and got the exact opposite. Which meant I ended up focusing on the opposite of what I intended to manifest. So just like exercise I need to keep at it and get it done right. And also to work on asking my Higher Self, All-That-There-Is for answers, even to the question of why it didn't work out the way I intended. No better a barometer these days on how to become aware of my vibration as when i am with Johnnie. He will do things like give me a trivial drawing of he and I, instantly creating a Magical Moment and my heart leaps and my vibration is high. And then I watch my vibration as I lose patience when he is trying to make an "S" and writes it backwards. He needs more practice at it, that is all. And here I am doing the very thing that would keep him from practicing it. My disapproving way. THAT is what I need to work on the most. And I've got all day with him. Fortunately, i do manage to breeze through his morning lessons so he could be totally ready by the time we do his Zoom call with his class at 11 AM. I even got PE done, both online and by doing our morning break sprint down the hall. I must say THAT little exercise breaks my little routine too. 
The Classroom 4 Zoom call is starting to feel routine as well. All the kiddos hopping on a call. Dylan Ji showing his "homework" that clearly his older brother did for him. [What's the point in that I ask?] I felt proud though that Johnnie did share is stagbeetle drawing of his insect, along with the poem that Lisa told me they took hours to write. I will admit that the competitive dad in me came out and I was aware of my own thoughts... [Hah Johnnie stuff is better than all you other kids!!] But that is for me to work on. Call done in an hour, now a part of the Thursday routine. After which I have to decide what Johnnie will feel like eating for lunch. Today it's pizza for him and beef chow mein for me. And later on I will go through the process again for dinner LOL.

But in the afternoon for SURE I need for Johnnie and I to go outside and enjoy the sunshine. And so we played baseball for a bit. I want Johnnie to keep his hand-eye reflexes sharp while he gets used to his new toy bat. And it isn't such a toy after all. More like the same bat real Little Leaguers use. But Johnnie is developing a nice stroke and although he misses, when he does makes contact, it's some very nice contact. My little boy is growing up quite nicely physically I'd say. With that I cruise through the afternoon until the Huddle meeting and for dinner, Johnnie decided he'd be ok if we went to get those chicken strips from Carl's Jr. And if we did that, then I'd have to get the Impossible BBQ burger as well don't I? Tonight at my request, Lisa called me when she got home from her bike ride and so I dropped Johnnie off around 7-ish. Of course Lisa would be there entertaining a couple of people. Some new staff from her office she had gone bike riding with. Strange that enough time has passed that I actually don't know most of her staff anymore. But that is also a normal thing. Of course Lisa forgot to introduce me and immediately put Johnnie as the center of attention, which was just fine with me anyway. I drove down the street and proceeded to finish my steps for the day. Up and down Maplewood Elementary school as a change of scenery. And by the end of the evening I finished with another call to Jodi. For now I'm just seeing where this goes. Way too early to see. But I'm still willing to explore. And I'm happy that she too is interested. And that will be ok for now. And so it was that I went to bed happy that I think I did pretty well with the Johnnie barometer. Meaning I did accomplish my intention of having a nice day with my son. Everything else is gravy.

Again With Lessons

 

I figured today would be somewhat chill... the last week of the month always is at work. But then again you never know anymore these days. I didn't write down a list this morning simply because I just wanted to focus on keeping my vibration high for the entire day. And I thought that would even be easier since it's the new mid-week Johnnie hand-off to Lisa. Except that already I could sense distraction when I did that this morning. There was the distraction of leaving Johnnie's VANS shoes at my apartment and sending him off with the wrong shoes... God forbid Lisa would notice. And so I had to go back to the apartment and make the switch. And when I went back to drop them off, there was Eusebio Lisa's gardener. Obviously there was another project. Why I had to to make a dumb comment like "Be patient with her" I don't know. There was no need for that. And it only served to make me feel dumb as I drove off. Not a good start to the whole keep-my-vibration-high thing. I went to get gas, which would be the first time I'm filling up in almost 6 weeks! And then went on home to do a couple of meetings. But really I just wanted to enjoy a nice warm, almost-summer like day. So much so I went for a light run-walk before i made myself lunch. Enjoyed the signs in my neighborhood showing solidarity to our front line healthcare workers. They are, after all, the warriors now. Anyway the plan was to work-work-work then Lisa mentioned something about attending a birthday at her office for one of her staff. What about keeping away from people does she not understand? And obviously she's taking johnnie too. I put up an energetic "bubble" of protection around him and her too, though grudgingly. And agreed to have her drop him off around 3:30 so we could do our Wednesday night routine. That would be dinner at Panda Express obviously. Somehow it was not a surprise when 3:30 came and no Lisa. 4 PM came. 4:30. I even finished my afternoon huddle already at 4:45 before I started leaving texts. Finally around 5 PM she called. Apparently she had been caught up doing something with Johnnie at her office. Wow. what a shock there. Mom and son got busy making Johnnie's mouth impression. And then turned it around by telling me it was actually a present for me. As if it was something I actually wanted. I can only shake my head. She absolutely is disrespectful with my time when it's my turn. Even when it stood to benefit her when she was late more than an hour meeting up for the hand-off last week, this time me giving Johnnie back. She just loses track of time. And then she tells me she did not finish Johnnie's homework as well. I don't understand why she can't just zip through it and frankly by the time she gave me all the explanations, I just wanted her gone. I didn't want to hear anymore. If this is what I'm pushing out then clearly I need to do a hell of a lot of work on myself. I already started to tell myself NO REACTION NO REACTION. It is me manifesting conflict and I need to obviously turn that around. It is me manifesting disrespect to myself. Right then and there all I wanted to do was to get to the routine I'm familiar with. And go from there to a more positive space. First thing is to let Lisa leave. And then go get dinner at Panda Express Westwood. And then have dinner with Johnnie. And then after dinner finish off whatever homework she left for Johnnie to do still. I posted a pic of that. Johnnie actually loves doing his lessons with me. He knows he does not get to watch a video until he does them. And he was only all too happy to finish his math. And so it was that what I wanted and intended to focus on today, which was to keep my vibration high, was TESTED immediately and I did not feel like I passed the test. I definitely have to work on my expectations with other people, and still with the patience. And maybe, just maybe, I am expecting things to not go my way more than the other way around. Why NOT intend to have Lisa drop Johnnie off when i want, without conflict? Or at least have her apologize. I mean she did not say I'm sorry or anything like that. Would I have felt better if she did? You BET. Maybe that's what i need to work on. To intend to have my feelings respected. Ok then. We'll try again tomorrow.Can I at least think of a few things that went well today? It WAS a nice day out. And co-workers thanked me for helping them with their projects. So I'm doing good at work. Sr Ruth in particular. I helped her do her board packet. And actually Johnnie and I did well with his homework. And I actually worked up a sweat at lunch. I probably should have worked on intending to have more positive energies in more areas today. We will have to do just that tomorrow.

Focus on Johnnie Parenting

Having done the one task that was due today, I got up this morning and focused on homeschooling Johnnie, especially considering that Lisa simply hasn't gone through an entire day lesson plan day for whatever reason. Somehow she feels overwhelmed that she's not doing things right that she simply shuts down. My approach is far different only because I tend to keep Johnnie to routine anyway, which is why Lisa finds it hard to focus with the absence of such a routine, and a surprising inability to create one. I remind myself that it is not so much as Lisa's shortcomings as my own tendency to find those shortcomings to push out. And I remind myself that ALL THAT is simply another way to defend my point of view and to uphold my need to be right. When I think about it that way, I know it's not about who's right and who's wrong... because believe you me all I need is to remind myself of my OWN shortcomings when I was navigating Johnnie's lessons with him a week ago. I figured I just need to make sure he's learning and in an environment where I can cultivate his natural curiosity. And I WILL stick to my routine because that is what makes ME comfortable. Johnnie and I went to McDonald's drive thru this morning because he felt like eating pancakes.  Another place to magnify the difference between Lisa's style and mine. To her it is much easier to fix pancakes. To me, I'm happy to spend $4 to drive thru at McDonald's.  We'll just agree to both be right and do what we like to do. The rest of the day, and indeed the morning was spent on Johnnie's lessons... not that it took all that long to do those things. He gets done with his phonics in 10 minutes, his math in 15. Yep he's usually done with half the morning's lessons inside of a half hour. We had so much time I even threw in some extra work, including an art session within the Mar Vista Enrichment environment. He learned how to draw SpongeBob in fact. It was pretty cool to watch. And the drawing was pretty good as well.

So the day went by pretty quickly and the afternoon with Johnnie is always an exercise in figuring out how to keep him occupied, especially when I had meetings lined up. Today it was all about getting him to make a special drawing for mommy since he's headed there tomorrow morning. And of course Tuesday night routine is STILL Tuesday night routine.

And that would still include barbecuing our Italian sausage for dinner. Especially on a day like today where it was actually a nice day out. And it was starting to get even warmer too. So much so Johnnie actually got a bit hot hitting the soccer ball against the wall while I barbecued in the background. Still, it was on to our usual Tuesday night of penne pasta, Italian sausage and chocolate chip cookies. And for Johnnie, more of the Magic School Bus. The only real difference was that I found some time to talk to Jodi for the 2nd night in a row. And for the 2nd night in a row, we talked for about a half hour before I put Johnnie to bed. It's sort of my own test for myself on how interested I am in doing this.  I need to see how I do this while Johnnie is commanding 90% of my attention. Tonight though with nothing urgent pending tomorrow, I looked forward to even more resounding sleep...

Beginning of the Work Week

So it is Monday and the beginning of a new work week. I did manage to get some sleep once and for all although I have not caught up totally. How could I when I managed a total of 8 hours sleep from the last 2 nights?! My plan is to catch up when I get the most sleep when Johnnie is around this week. In the meantime, I need to address whatever these negative emotions last night surrounding people like Courtney, and Eloisa, and Lisa have evoked. The first step is always to become aware. And then the next step is to clear and to clean up whatever needs to be. With Eloisa, it's always about insecurity about my job and so it's pretty obvious I simply need to focus on providing as much value as I possibly could. And to instill the belief that whatever I do at work is plenty good enough. That alone should be a good enough mantra for work this week shouldn't it? As for Courtney, it's about her energies strengthening Lisa's tendencies to be even more unfocused. But I really don't even care about them, at least not anymore. I care more that Johnnie gets sucked into it. With that I have to trust that Lisa IS doing the best she can and it is not under my control anyway. And so it is best to simply be ok with not being in control. And to keep myself from being pulled into that dynamic myself. In the meantime, I need to work on financial stuff at work again, which would be the 2nd time I'm burrowing down to do it. Which means there is stuff there I need to clean and clear too. That I need to keep finances in order. That I got that humongo bill from AT&T for almost $200K is enough of a reminder about that. I still need to sit down and work out details of that with them. AND get my HRSA report in about IS expenses. The good thing was that it appears that entire $78K is being handed to me. Pretty cool! Now I have to be a good steward and actually list what I'm spending it on and actually go do it. The funny thing is that I actually have plenty of budget right?  And so with all these thoughts in my head this morning, lunch almost came up very quickly and I barely had enough time to go out and test my new face mask with my morning walk. The great thing was that it is finally finally finally looking like it is warming up this week. And it was great to actually feel hot after I did about 2 miles walking around my neighborhood.

Before I knew it, Lisa was actually driving by to drop off Johnnie. I guess she was in the middle of doing stuff. Isn't she always? She showed me what they did for Johnnie's lesson today and as usual, she was out of order. She did Wednesday's homework which was the big homework for the week, but neglected to do today's. Sigh. Guess what WE get to do the second we get inside the apartment LOL LOL. Johnnie didn't mind actually. In fact, he himself said "Mommy didn't know where to go for my homework". That just about sums it up. She was distracted yet again. And that is perfectly ok. I FINISHED Johnnie's Monday homework and actually got it all done within an hour. That's just it actually... Johnnie is so smart all you have to do is try to get out of his way and not be too idiotically judgemental like I was last week. You do that and he'll get his work done. And he did exactly that tonight. He's already used to doing lessons before he gets to watch videos with me anyway. We're just continuing what we've been doing for more than a year. The reward? He gets to eat a decent meal that's what. Tonight it is his favorite penne pasta chicken noodle soup. And he ate A LOT. Which is why I know he practically didn't eat anything for lunch. It's ok Little Bug. You're with dad now. You're with someone who eats at regular times. You'll get to eat plenty for the next few days. And of course he gets to watch his Cat-In-the-Hat. Tonight I actually wanted to him do that because I wanted to catch up with Jodi from Match.com. I didn't really talk to her all weekend and I have to ask myself why I didn't put out the effort. It couldn't be because of Lisa could it? Whatever it was, I wanted to make sure I continued to communicate with her simply to let her know I was still interested. And I am. WHo know where it's going to lead? But for sure it will not go anywhere if I don't pick up the phone. And so I called her tonight to catch up. And really to find out if she really was still interested. I think the answer was a YES, at least after we talked tonight. It's just our 2nd phone call ever so pretty premature to come to any conclusions. But at least we're both still interested. And I'm glad she said she liked talking to me. For my part, it was a test I gave myself to see if I could talk while Johnnie was around. Of course I had already done this last year with Diane. And tonight all it did really was to make me about 20 minutes later than usual in giving Johnnie his shower. He still got to bed by 9:40. I stayed up only because I really did want to finish that Excel spreadsheet on IS expenses for HRSA. I'm not waiting until the last second and the end of the day tomorrow. I'm submitting it tonight. And I did actually get it done and got it sent. And it wasn't even midnight yet. I crawled into bed feeling tired. I thought I had a pretty good day actually. Sent thoughts of gratitude for that as I finally finally finally catch up on sleep...

Monday RESET

I intend to take a step towards financial independence.
I intend to provide massive value today in my job.
I intend to catch up with my rest.
I intend to keep my vibration high.
I intend to live a manifesting lifestyle.
I intend to see results.

WE ARE NATURALLY MANIFESTING 100% OF THE TIME. ALL THAT CHANGES IS THE CONTENT WE FOCUS ON.

I don't need to pressure myself to get it right. I just simply ask for All That There Is to get it right for me.  And my only job is to make sure I manage my own awareness and do my best to keep my vibration high.

A Sunday of Two Halves

I would like to say I made up the little sleep I got Saturday night with some nice sleep tonight. But I can't. That's because yet again for the 2nd night in a row I continued to binge watch on the Last Kingdom. And so for the 2nd night in a row I was lucky to get 4 hours of sleep. And was left asking myself why I did that?! This morning though before I could make myself breakfast, I got a call from Lisa asking me if I wanted to come over for breakfast. Which meant Johnnie was asking for his dad to join them for breakfast. And I was happy to just pop on over there so that I could just break the loop I got myself into with binge watching that damn show. And so it was that Lisa made me a pancake, fruit and eggs over medium for breakfast with some hot tea. A fine breakfast it was. And I got to spend time with my Little Bug first thing this morning. And I didn't even have to do breakfast. In fact, quite spontaneously, since Lisa tried to brush Zucco's teeth and he became a bit grumpy, we all took him for a walk. A walk around the block turned into a 2-mile walk all the way to Penmar St and then back. I was only all too glad to get 4500 steps out of the way this morning already. And Lisa got to pick succulents on the way. And I'll even venture to say that this was as pleasant a walk as we've had in a long time. All the way back to 2+ years ago. Even while Johnnie got tired  1/2 mile from home and I had to carry him from that point forward. As soon as we got back I made the excuse that I had to go so I could do groceries, and I planned to come back after lunch. After all, it was Lisa that asked if I could pick up groceries for her and made me a pretty significant list. Instead on the drive back to my apartment, I noticed no lines in front of Ralphs. And so I popped on in there and got Lisa's groceries. I never did make it to my apartment. I just did the shopping really quickly and headed right to Lisa's to drop them off. It would turn out that I did her grocery shopping for the week and picked up fried chicken for lunch for Johnnie but also a cooked turkey breast for Lisa too in lieu of deli turkey meat. This was definitely much better. And Lisa showed her gratitude by making me a pita bread turkey lunch wrap with babaganoush. It was perfect. Only then did I finally leave for the apartment. Lisa wanted to practice the piano and was ok with me taking Johnnie for a couple of hours. But surprisingly, Johnnie declined and said he would rather stay and play at mommy's house. That's not usual. But it was ok. I think he overheard that Courtney was finally coming over this afternoon and that was fine too. I'll go to my apartment and recharge. But not lost on me was that I had a pretty good morning already and it was turned out to be a family morning.

I should have taken a nap actually. God knows I needed it. But instead I went right back to watching the Last Kingdom. That would make it 3 full seasons that I watched in 48 hours. I was supposed to go back to Lisa's and she was going to make the tilapia that I bought for her this morning for dinner. By then, Courtney was sure to be there already too. I never did make it over to Lisa's until it was past 5 PM. And by then they were getting ready to go out biking. And there bubbled up the disconnect and distinct difference between routines centered around Johnnie. By now I would be all about getting Johnnie to eat an early dinner. Lisa, of course, is ruled by activities. And this one they were going to do superceded anything. I was invited of course but I wasn't really interested in going biking with them. I was pretty sure they would be too tired to do anything when they got back an hour-and-a-half to 2 hours later. And so I simply went back home and ate dinner myself. I was hungry already anyway. I called Lisa later just to be sure they had gotten back and to see if I was still expected to come over. And sure enough they were all too tired to do anything. I became aware that all these not-so-positive emotions came up and they all had everything to do with Courtney being there. Not that I minded it. But her presence makes everything a stark difference from when I come over and simply expect to have a quiet night. Again it was all revolving around Courtney being someone Lisa can get to do the things she wants to do with. All good and fine. But they clash with the routines I do with Johnnie. I was sure he hadn't eaten yet and it was already well past 7 PM. Nothing I could do of course except to clean and clear the negative stuff that had come up. I remind myself that it isn't really anything about Courtney just the same as the emotions around Friday that were not positive were not about Eloisa and the email she sent. They were all about my ego pushing negative stuff out. It was all about control. In the meantime, I never did get to follow up on calling Jodi. A little self-destruction going on too? AND instead of going inside for awareness, what I did tonight was to give myself a haircut. I needed it actually but I was also aware it took my attention away from something else. And I was too tired to do anything else. Finally, lack of sleep caught up with me. I knocked off by 11:30 PM...

Default Setting Zigzag Running

Today was a lesson on what my default settings are. After talking to Jodi last night, I should have just went to bed and gotten a really good night's sleep. It was almost 11 PM after all. But I didn't. What I did was kept on watching TV. Yep, I binge watched the Last Kingdom on Netflix. And I binge watched until 3 in the morning. I know I know. Why do I do these things? It's like an addiction really and I thought I was doing really well. If I was, I fell off the wagon today. And so I slept in. I had to. No meditation, no focused direction, And usually in the time space upon waking up of creating my day with intention, I was simply trying to catch up with my own energy it seemed. And as soon as I made myself a cup of Earl Grey, I kept on watching. All these things I could have been enriching my mind and soul with I chose to watch a period piece which was a sort of Game of Thrones and Vikings put together. First of all I think I need to think about why I get attracted to these kinds of shows. With this one, the difference would be the protagonist Uthred. Of course he's the strongest warrior but he's also very willful, very much imperfect. But he also has a strong moral compass and he is very cunning which is what attracts me to his personality most. He is the strength from which the King builds his power. His is the shoulders the King stands on. I think I fancy myself as that type of person. I fancy myself as the hidden figure that may not show up in the chronicles but is indispensable and without whom none of the significant things that have happened ever would have happened. Or maybe that's just my ego coming up to the surface once again? I do realize I got another annoying email from my boss last night regarding a task I need to complete by Tuesday. Upon further consideration, it's not really anything out of the ordinary... except to that part of me that is insecure, that is easily annoyed, that hates being not in control, that feels nothing is ever enough. And THAT is already pretty clear is the work that I need to do today. As I had focused on the Tech council meeting and did pretty well with it, my vibration somehow took a bit of a nosedive yesterday for some reason. And so I sort of drowned myself in inattention. I didn't want to think about anything. Which is why I shut myself off and simply watched TV and the Last Kingdom all day long. And when I say all day long, I really did spend all day watching it.

By the time I looked up it was already 3 PM and I didn't even take a nap that my body needed. Fortunately, there were other default settings that kicked in that got me off the couch. By 4 PM, I didn't even have 1000 steps in. And then I got a call from Lisa asking if I wanted to come by for dinner. I told her I had bought mahi mahi yesterday and that would make a pretty good meal. I think Johnnie was simply asking about me and so Lisa felt compelled to check out what I was up to. Definitely not going to tell her I was checked out on the couch. But then again, maybe it's not so bad to simply check out for a day right? And so what I did was go for a little run. And I kept on watching the Last Kingdom. How did I do that? By doing zig zag running. That's when you run inside a one-bedroom apartment zigging and zagging all around the tiny space. This way I'm sort of running while I'm still watching TV. After all, I didn't need to be at Lisa's until 6:30 PM. I zigged and zagged and zigged and zagged and by 6 PM I had gotten to 8000 steps! That's almost 3 1/2 miles all done inside the house! Pretty impressive I thought. And I got my heart rate up very nicely. In fact, my fitBit said I had done 40+ minutes of cardio exercise. Pretty damn good. By the time I went to Lisa's it would seem mom and son were also doing pretty much nothing. They were upstairs just lazing around in Johnnie's new bed nook on the side of Lisa's bed. They even asked me to join them. I know I know it's Johnnie that really digs on having us all together as a family. Even playing in his bed. I shrugged off my own discomfort at this knowing full well that the energy of a new romantic possibility is at odds with this little scenario. Or is it? It's just a tiny little moment after all.  We all went downstairs and Lisa made a nice meal from my mahi mahi. And she still had rice and she made some cabbage too. And we made udon for Johnnie. And so it was that we had a nice dinner as a family tonight. And this was clearly the play-of-the-day. I did the dishes and then I watched Johnnie for about an hour while Lisa played the piano. Johnnie worked on a dinosaur coloring book, I continued my zigzag exercise, now a zigzag walk while watching Johnnie. And I finished my 11,100+ steps before it was even 8 PM. Pretty good huh?! And so I think I need to send grateful thoughts to Lisa for helping me salvage my day. I got to spend time with Johnnie and do more bonding, I got to 11,100 steps almost from zero at the end of the day, and we had a nice family dinner to boot. I got to raise my vibration after all!

Friday List and a Not Very Quiet Friday

I intend to feel abundant today.  CHECK CHECK
I intend to receive extra money out of nowhere today. ON ITS WAY
I intend to practice more patience today. CHECK
I intend to feel appreciated today.  CHECK
I intend to provide great value today.  CHECK

This is supposed to be a Friday. Most Fridays I'd be thinking about having a TANK DAY. Especially the week of the TEch Council Meeting. But that isn't the new normal is it? Today I simply wanted to make sure I got a shower in this morning. No small thing to take for granted considering I had an 8 AM meeting TODAY. Not a typo. That damn Chad scheduled a meeting at 8 AM and you can't even say no because you can't get to work. Not if all you have to do is roll over from your bed to attend the meeting. Personally I don't think there's never a good reason to start a meeting that early but the new normal and always-connected environment I myself enabled my company to do also meant you could really meet anytime. And so I just bit my tongue and did the meeting. And wouldn't you know it would go an entire hour. Just another quick project we have to implement. If anything, we've become pretty agile. It would have been nice to take a shower right after the meeting... but I elected to do another meeting with my team and then go get me a quick breakfast sandwich at McDonald's. And then I had to do ANOTHER meeting at 10:30 AM. I tell ya I'm actually busier now by far than before I went remote. And then just like yesterday, I had to make myself a quick lunch before I had to jump on another meeting at 1 PM.  What in heck is going on?? Finally my last meeting was the Huddle Meeting at 3 PM and mercifully it ended by 4. I never did get around to taking a shower at all today. I did take a walk in the middle of the day and took a pic of a sign sitting at one of my neighbor's front yard. "Enjoy your walk" was what the sign simply said. At least we're all being nice to each other mostly. I posted a pic of the huddle too as sort of the symbol of this being Friday. It wasn't the chill day that most Fridays usually were in the past. But it was still the day before the weekend. And by 4 PM, I had actually "checked out". And started my Friday after-work routine. In the world of remote working, that meant lining up at Trader Joe's to get my week's groceries. And then to Ralphs right after that. The wait to get in to Trader Joe's is still averaging about a half hour just to get in the store. And then today there was a shortage of pasta and rice. People are probably still in hoard mode. At least there weren't any lines at Ralphs and I finished the shopping there. All in all my week's supplies totaled just under $100. But then again I'm mostly eating in anymore. I am probably saving a whole ton of money. Actually, my checking account reached $20K after today's paycheck, for which I am very grateful for. It means that no matter what happens, I have a 3-month cushion on expenses. Makes me feel very good financially. I made myself some shaved beef chow mein for dinner tonight. And then later on I had something different happen. I actually made contact with a potential romantic interest who reached out to me on Match.com. We talked for a good hour-and-a-half on the phone. And I actually enjoyed talking to her on the phone. Her name was Jodi and we'll see where this one goes. I am in no rush. Especially in a world where I still spend time with my ex-wife on weekends because we're all tied up indoors. But we'll see huh?

Thursday April 16 list

I intend to have plenty of patience with Johnnie today, particularly with his lessons.  CHECK
I intend to appreciate Johnnie's many gifts today. CHECK
I intend to receive a large sum of unexpected money today. <IT's COMING>
I intend to be gentle with myself today. CHECK
I intend to practice my mental diet today. <WORK TO DO>

So this morning I focused on Johnnie's lessons just like Tuesday, not only because I didn't have any meetings this morning but because I wanted to make sure Johnnie had finished all of his lessons BEFORE the class zoom meeting at 11 AM. He did so much that when I gave him a chance for a break, sort of timing it with what would have been recess had he still been at school, he just basically knocked off on the couch playing with his Fuzzy. Anyway it was pretty cool that the kids actually still get to interact with each other even if for just once a week and over videoconference. The first 5 minutes actually has to be spent as each kid says hello to all the other kids that pop in and out of the speaker view screen. Hi Dylan! Hi Johnne! Hi Cora! Hi Brooklyn! And then this time around there were actually a couple of shares. The kids got to share their counting collections and then their animal riddle. This was the one Lisa felt very strongly about Johnnie sharing his dog riddle. He did just fine really, even if everyone got his riddle in the first few seconds. The idea is simply to let the kids get creative and just use what they know. There is no right or wrong answer, just getting the kids to explore is everything this exercise was about. I'm a bit perplexed that all the kids seemed to be guessing CHEETAH to most of the animal riddles though LOL. Anyway after the phone call, that was pretty much it for me for the week in terms of Johnnie's lessons. Lisa gets to do tomorrow's lesson. I sort of rushed making lunch for Johnnie and making lunch for me because I had the HIT Roundtable meeting right at noon. It's funny that the Thursday HIT meeting right after my Tech Council Meeting would usually be symbolic of a pretty chill day. As in it usually ends up with me focusing on just the HIT Roundtable Meeting for the day, walking over to the CCALAC location and then stopping by at 7th and Fig Macy's right after. And then as soon as I walked back to the office I would already be thinking about going home. Just a month ago I would be going to KFC on Thursdays to pick up some popcorn chicken for Johnnie's dinner. And at least give him a nice meal before Johnnie got picked up by his mom on hand-off night. Today I made him udon for lunch mainly because it was something fast I could do and I was actually fixing it WHILE I was doing the HIT meeting. I mean I was trying to facilitate a discussion on Office 365 and here I am making Johnnie lunch and finding some leftovers for me to eat as well. I got through the meeting just fine and then I braced for the last meeting... the Daily Huddle at 4 PM. At least it got done before 5 PM this time and when I suggested to Johnnie that we go pick up some more Panda Express for dinner tonight he did not object. In fact he wolfed down his meal, ate most of his chicken. The result was that by the time I drove to Lisa's house to drop him off, it was 6:30 PM like we agreed. But alas when we got there Lisa wasn't there. I let myself in with the keys in the backdoor and I realized the dog wasn't there either. When I called her I could hear her phone was still in her car. SMH SMH. Lisa must have forgotten yet again. She simply does not keep track of time. I didn't want to stay there and didn't want to leave Johnnie there so I took off for my apartment. And Johnnie fell asleep in the backseat. I let him sleep of course, only slightly waking him up when Lisa finally called around 7:30. Apparently she had gone on a bike ride with Zucco the dog. Why she couldn't do that an hour earlier than she did so she'd be home by 6:30 I don't know and I no longer wish to know. It would just piss me off more than I already was. The important thing was that I was very much irritated and remembering that EVERYTHING IS WHAT I PUSH OUT then the work is to figure out where I allowed the imbalance of focus to happen. Yet again it was centered around expectation of other people and patience. Still. I remind myself that people do the best they can with their resources and whatever it was I was irritated with Lisa is something I'm irritated about myself. Most definitely something to contemplate. More mental diet stuff I need to do. I noted this when I reviewed today's list. Mostly all good. But also work to be done.