Clearing Discomfort... Some Kind of Busy Week

And so with the dinner at Lisa's last night, I obviously didn't finish my performance evaluations. Not all of them anyway. Because after I went home, I finished 2 more... Noriel and Nelson's. And then first thing this morning when I got up, I finished Kennedy's. THERE! I'm done once and for all! One more huge thing I got done this week. All before I took my shower and made myself breakfast this morning. This being a Friday and all I thought I'd make me a good breakfast, just like something i would have had at the FRB if we were still working there. <I would find out later on that a couple of more security officers tested positive for covid-19. There is NO WAY I'd walk in there now!>. And so anyway I made myself corned beef hash and eggs and some nice Earl Grey hot tea for breakfast. ahhh Friday! And when I checked and saw that the only other activity I thought I had to do, which was to finalize my department goals wasn't even due until next week, well NOW I could finally breathe out... I'm DONE FOR THE WEEK! YES YES YES!!! See? And i was worried I wasn't going to get something done. tsk tsk. Anyway I did flip the switch into learning mode. After all I don't have Johnnie all day today and I can actually take my time and finish some of the learnings I wanted to get done. And actually I needed to do some cleaning and clearing on the last part of the evening last night where I actually felt discomfort, felt irritated when Lisa did her piano playing thing with Jorge. What about that bothered me? That was just Lisa being Lisa. And she didn't really do anything wrong. It was my ego that was bothered because Lisa was not conforming to the outcome that I wanted. And of course me being me was simply one of my patterns that I always leave early. A lot of that is simply the empath in me being overly sensitive to other people's emotional energies and needing a break.  And so I cleaned, i cleared, I asked for forgiveness. And doing all that gave me the quote of the day: forgiveness is not overlooking the truth, forgiveness is knowing that I cannot be attacked. Nothing was attacking me. In the end I acknowledge my own discomfort and make peace with it. And that is that. And once again simply focus on the higher outcome that I got to see my old friend and be grateful for that too.

And so I ended up dealing with yet another incident of discomfort and that, oddly enough, happened at the Friday afternoon end-of-the-week Huddle. It should have been the last event of the work week and somewhat of a victory lap for me since I had gotten through one of the busiest stretches I've had in quite some time. Instead, the meeting that usually finishes in about a half hour extended well beyond the hour because our Chief Medical Officer (CMO) was expressing astonishment at the number of coronavirus cases in LA County and how bad they were. We're back to trying to prepare for a  surge. And here is this guy telling us, the Leadership group that he was not feeling confident at all. And that he was struggling with the messaging to the rank and file, particularly our provider group that he is supposed to be leading. And thus ensued a discussion on how to message, and who to message. It should have just simply ended with "let the Communications Manager and CEO provide the messaging." They're good about that. The way he spoke today would scare just about anyone. In the end I just bolted from the meeting. 3 of the C's had gone anyway because they had to do an interview. So much for a quick Friday afternoon huddle. Still, it was not even 4:30 when I left the meeting and I immediately went to Trader Joe's to do grocery shopping. And to clear my head. No more work. I had had a good week already. Again I reflected on what gave me such discomfort. I'm still prone to losing patience when people's actions don't match my expectations. And even writing that already makes me aware of how absurd that is. Again, as last night, all I needed to do was to acknowledge my discomfort and know that THAT was a part of me I myself was pushing out. It was fear and indecision and I did not like seeing it. And so I did my grocery shopping, did some aerobics to finish up my 11,000 steps, and made myself a turkey dinner. Yes a turkey dinner. I had so much leftover turkey. All I had to do was buy some boxed stuffing and gravy and voila: turkey dinner. And then I continued watching the newest Netflix series: Cursed. It was a way different twist on the Arthurian story. Same characters but also all different. It was interesting how they dealt with contemporary issues though, persecuting people that are different. In the case of this series, it was the fae: a race of non-humans. Kind of an allegory to our current issues with race isn't it. The good thing was I did not binge watch until the wee hours of the morning like I'm prone to do. I only watched until 11:30 LOL. It was all good, the weekend is here and I remind myself yet again. I had a pretty damn good work week.