All About Johnnie

So it is Tuesday of a short work week and other than my team meeting, which would be the only one I am doing for this week,  I didn't have anything scheduled for work. That doesn't mean I didn't have anything to do mind you. I realized though that any feelings of un-ease around work centered around James and Data Analytics as there were at least 3 things he was supposed to be responsible for yet here he is taking the day off sick today. Which meant there was nothing i could do about pushing things forward. Still people that needed their reports were bugging me about them which is why I was also feeling some irritation. I had to tell myself that things were still under control and the fact that James wasn't here today only heightened a sense of lack-of-control. My feeling of un-ease was a control issue? Seems to be the case isn't it. And so the lesson today was to find a way to put all those negative feelings on the shelf and find a way to better deal with things positively. Fortunately for me I did have one thing that commanded far more attention and that I considered far more important. That was finding something to do for Johnnie ALL DAY today since he had no school. From the moment he woke up this morning he was already in GO mode and he even announced he wanted to draw stuff after breakfast. And so I did my team meeting, let him watch some animal stuff on YouTube and then got him to doodle something with watercolors. The good thing about Johnnie is that you can always get him to do some artwork. And you can always get him to draw dinosaurs. And you can always get him to do stuff under the guise of making his mom something for a present. While I did try to do work - and after all I had at least a dozen purchasing invoices I needed to catalog and approve - before long he had at least half a dozen things he had drawn. He was eagerly showing them to me of course. He was trying to tell me what each drawing was. And then I had the most BRILLIANT idea. "Johnnie, I asked him, why don't you write down a sentence about each drawing?" After all, you want mommy to know what each drawing is about don't you? HOMERUN! And so he spent another hour writing something. He had to ask me how to spell stuff but hey that part was easy. The astounding thing I realized was after the end of the activity, he had written himself a dinosaur book! I mean how amazingly cool was that?! He had a cover and an END page and everything. I mean it wasn't like I told him to write a book or anything. It just sort of worked out that way.   

And then later on after lunch I had another A-HA event that sort of just unfolded organically. We were taking an activity break or a video break. I started to watch something Christmassy and I chose the video "Closing of the Year" from the movie Toys by Wendy and Lisa. I was thinking how this was a bit of a ritual listening to this song and watching this video and it brought me back to a time when I was listening to it when I was still living at Maplewood. It was then that it hit me that we hadn't taught Johnnie any Christmas songs. I mean I know we're not at all religious but at least we have to teach Johnnie some holiday rituals right? Like the Christmas tree he helped his mom put up? And so i decided that I was going to teach him a Christmas carol today and we were going to sing it together and we were going to post the video of it in FB. THAT is sort of my way of getting into the holiday spirit right? I chose Silent Night. I figured it would be nice and short and mellow. And I had Johnnie write the words even. And then we sang it and sang it. The video I posted is us practicing it. The final version I posted on Facebook actually turned out very well. Ok, so maybe Johnnie is way out of pitch. He hasn't really learned how to sing. More like yell really. But he tried. And his facial expressions were totally priceless. As we were heading home from picking up his Panda Express dinner, he actually broke out into the song and knew all the words. See? Mission accomplished. One Christmas carol taught. All good.  With these 2 activities alone that Johnnie got to do with me, it was already a day I won't forget. In these times that doesn't feel like Christmas, we made it feel like Christmas. Way to go dad.

Best Day of This Week

After yesterday I already started looking forward to the end of the week and the long 3-day weekend. And all that made it feel like today was ALREADY the end of the week. After all, my schedule was clear and I had already pretty much finished all my work for the week. And with all of us working remotely, specifically at QueensCare, showing signs of covid exhaustion, I'm sure I'm not the only one already feeling like tanking it for the rest of the week. How do I know this? I led 2 Zoom meetings this week and not one person objected to me zipping it along so much so that they both got done WELL before they were scheduled to finish. Of course there is really no "TANKING" anything when Johnnie is in the house and it's a schoolday. However, today seemed to be the most interesting day in his schedule by far. First, there was computer class at 9 AM and then MUSIC class right after that. The computer class was interesting to me because the teacher - who Johnnie already worked with last year in TK - spent most of the period teaching everyone how to use Zoom more effectively. I mean I should have taped it because it's something I could use for MY end users. What 5-yr olds can pick up, I could expect my adult users to pick up too couldn't I? Or not?? And so Johnnie did his back-to-back classes and I had back-to-back meetings of my own. First with my IS Team, and then with Lam who just got moved to reporting to me like it was originally when he got hired. We chatted a bit about it, since he's now a MANAGER, it actually makes my job much easier because I don't actually have to deal with James now. That's his job. Nor do I need to be as granular with Data Analytics work. that's his job too. And he is already doing a fine job as it is, at least from where I had been watching. And so just like that it was already time to get Johnnie some food before his last class at 12:10.

I'm not too crazy about the 12:10 class because it cuts into MY lunch and already it feels like I'm having to make sure I have some leftovers to eat just in case I get hungry while Johnnie is in the middle of his class. Today I actually watched his class and they were doing shapes and it was cool to watch Johnnie get his shapes right because this was something I had him playing for more than a year now. And then right after his class, with nothing left on my schedule, I told Johnnie we were heading to the pool. I was met with pretty loud, whining resistance. But which made MY own resolve stronger that we were going to go swimming today. Johnnie was extremely resistant all the way to getting in the water. So much so he had to pee and I had to let him do that on one of the pots of plants in there because I gave the key to Lisa. But something surprising happened. The longer he was in the water, the more I got him to just splash around and kick to go further and further, he got more and more comfortable. And a half hour later, he was actually dunking himself in the water and trying to walk on the bottom. THIS WAS HUGE! All of a sudden he wasn't afraid anymore! And not only did he keep on kicking and swimming to the edge, which was big in that this assures ME he won't drown. Johnnie even wanted to go all along the edge. He was only going a few feet each time, but whatever helps him get confident is always a good thing. He just needs to learn how to breathe while doing swim strokes now, but that's it! He's actually SWIMMING! Trifecta complete! Ride a scooter? check. Ride a bike? check. Learn to swim? CHECK! I was so happy and so was Johnnie actually. He squealed when he realized that he did it himself with no help from me! Considering how scared he was when we left just an hour ago, this was more than huge! Because now we can keep doing it whenever we want as often as we want. After swimming, we weren't done either. The cardboard doghouse I bought from Amazon which I just got a refund for because it didn't come a couple of days ago like it was supposed to, actually got delivered today. And so we had to put it together obviously. The result is the pic I posted. And THEN the rest of the day flew by, Lisa picked up Johnnie around 8 PM and I went to bed tonight feeling that Johnnie and I had a very, very, vERY good day.

Starting to Lose It

You never really know how much you're affected by stress and what can trigger a response. Which is why the best idea is to be ever vigilant of your own mental state. And why self-care is so important no matter how you can get it. I remember when I lived in Maplewood how actually gardening and watering the grass in the backyard was therapeutic somehow. Which is why I sent off for a LED indoor garden so I can grow stuff again. Hopefully get some therapeutic benefits that way. I'm posting the pic here because I want to see the before and after pics together after it starts growing. One thing is for sure, just putting the stalk of a romaine lettuce that I was about to throw away in a cup of water and leaving it under the sun for a couple of days has already started to sprout new plants. Amazing. Growing my own romaine lettuce.  Indoors. Fantastic! I needed the gentle supportive nudge however I could get it this morning because I had that follow-up meeting with AT&T. Now I already realize that I needed to have faith in the outcome resulting in my favor somehow. Even though they had already punted the CTF discount that I was counting on to bring down the $57K balance due amount. After this morning's meeting, I was resigned to at least having to pay the $57K. They wouldn't budge on the discount and to be honest, after the discussion I was very disappointed that AT&T seemed like they didn't care to help. They cited taking money from a hospital who was negligent with the contract. Is that how AT&T makes money? Just let contracts pass and charge when folks forget to turn services off? That is not sounding like a company I would do business with in the future. This is where I miss our old rep Pat Barrett. It was clear that she took care of us. And that the people who took over the account simply didn't. At least the meeting was done and I was done thinking about it anymore. And I moved on to Wednesday as usual. Except that maybe all that AT&T stuff had put me in a lower state of vibration. I realize this because I was starting to work on other stuff and here's Johnnie who's only desire was to hang out with his dad no matter what they were doing as long as they were doing it together. And here I am feeling irritated that he was interrupting whatever flow I was trying to get into. I could feel myself losing patience with him. And only the memory of the Wednesday a week ago when I saw myself yelling at him when he fell from his bike... not even 24 hours after learning how to ride it without training wheels for the first time... yanked me back out of what would have been a similar reaction of some sort. I reminded myself of how lucky I am that Johnnie is providing me with such great content from whatever he was doing by himself and that it was coming from such an amazing kid. By lunchtime I had gotten myself back to balance. And I reminded myself I only had that 3 PM Huddle meeting and then I could go back to routine. I didn't do lessons for Johnnie this week. This is last week of vacation after all and by next week, he will have lessons for real for school. And so I'm letting him just chill since we can't really go anywhere. 

Besides, it IS Wednesday and we DO have a routine. It's Panda Express night and even Johnnie realizes that by 5 PM, it's time to drive to Westwood to pick up dinner. By then he had gone through almost an hour of Octonauts and I had resigned myself to letting that be Johnnie's entertainment while he is with me. After all he won't get to do that when he is at Lisa's the rest of the weekend. But I did have one more thing up my sleeve to entertain us both...and the rest of the world too LOL. I got him to sing along to Queen's "Pressure" and I got it all on video too. Now THAT would be something along the lines of a talent show right? I mean I truly was shocked that he knew most of the words. I would have been happy with just the first chorus. He ended up singing along to the whole thing! Of course I had to post it on FB! I'm thinking whenever I feel low in terms of vibration like I did at the start of the day, this video is all i have to watch. Instant, immediate feel-good vibes. Johnnie and I skipped shower tonight. Sort of an end-of-summer kind of thing. I'm trying to make like we were in Santa Barbara and we're just hanging out dad and son. And I let him save all his work too in the living room. We'll clean it all up tomorrow. We're on vacation right? HEY just the thought of that helps MY mental state too. It is all good!

Lemon 365

Tuesday routine is now pretty much settled. It is usually not a busy day except for my Team Meeting at 9 AM most Tuesday. Today though I also have a meeting with the new HR Director Sheila, who I find out later is also Filipino. And so I was tied up for a bulk of the morning, which was SO excruciating for Johnnie because he was so excited to put together his new robot toy that I got for him. And so we got to it just as soon as my last phone call of the morning ended. It was already 11 AM by then, pretty close to lunchtime and I don't know what I was thinking that I'd get it done in 10 minutes or so. I have pretty good spacial acuity but reading from an instruction manual is one of my worst skills. It's much easier for me to look at what that robot was supposed to look like in the end and figure out how to fasten this and to connect that. Anyway I did get the project started but had to stop by noon because it was lunchtime already. Johnnie and I went to Whole Foods to get him a pizza and for me I ended up having the special which turned out to be a Cubano sandwich. Pretty good too with ham and pork and mozzarella cheese and lots of mayo. See daddy and son enjoying lunch. I got pretty full too. And soon after that I went on to putting that soda pop can robot together. Ok so it took me another hour after lunch but I did manage to finish it. Johnnie was right next to me the whole time being my assistant. Handing me stuff, holding something when I needed help and basically just my general help. Of course he wanted to be involved throughout the whole thing. And when we got done and he popped in the battery and the thing started moving? Well, let's just say he was SOOO HAPPY!  As was I quite frankly. A project he and I did together! Can't beat that. And something he could play with for a while. And it took most of the day. A win is a win is a win. In the meantime, working on that thing pretty much a good deal of the afternoon meant that (a) I was going to miss my nap, particularly because I had to pad up my steps for the day. But more importantly (b) I didn't get to my homework for the day, which was to do forensics on the AT&T invoices so I could at least present our case regarding our old account which had accrued a final bill of over $140K! I mean WTF?! Someone forgot to turn SOMETHING off. And we're meeting about it tomorrow. The bottom line was that I eventually got to putting together a spreadsheet of the story of that account from our side, just that I didn't actually get to it until Johnnie had gotten to sleep tonight. And so that meant at 10 PM I was still working on it. It was tedious and painstakingly boring and I didn't really realize how anal I could get with something like this because the fact is, I actually did get the damn thing done and I think I have a much better idea of what happened. I'll be honest I had forgotten, it was so long ago. This was one of those things I had Justin handle and when he left I simply did not do a good job of following up. So much so the old contract had lapsed. Anyway I finished byt I didn't actually get the email out until well past midnight. Sigh. A late night. Feels  like one of those Tuesdays when I had to cram a Tech Council presentation out of my ass. Anyway, this particular situation with AT&T bothered me. It clearly had something to do with the job I perceive myself to be doing. So much so I had to do some cleaning and clearing and internal work about it. I assured myself all will be well tomorrow. And I assured myself this is no different from the panic reaction and anxiety I feel when I hear from Eloisa or Barbara or anyone I have to report to. Just old insecurity stuff to clean, stuff to clear. 

In between all that Tuesday night was pretty much routine. I did barbecue Italian sausage like I usually would on a Tuesday night and Johnnie was out there playing with his new toy, hereby dubbed Lemon 365. Lemon from the lemon-lime soda and 365 because it was branded 365 by Whole Foods LOL. Lemon 365 it was. And as you can see from the video, Johnnie had a blast with it. He had his penne pasta dinner with Italian sausage and I really didn't feel like cooking anything else so I had his leftover penne with another Italian sausage and called that a dinner. I also found another cartoon series for him to watch other than the Octonauts. This one was called Gigantosaurus. Hey it's dinosaurs right? How can he NOT like it? And so the rest of Tuesday night was quiet and that was a good thing to simply balance the active energy of the day. Johnnie was pretty much out by 9:30 PM. Not me. I still had work to do... In the meantime I do have a timemarker I have to acknowledge today. This day 2 years ago I moved out of the Maplewood house making the separation from Lisa official. It's almost hard to believe I'm starting my 3rd year in this apartment building. But I also know that I like it here very much. And it has become more than just a refuge from a difficult situation. It has become home. And I am very VERY grateful for that.

Day Off

I may not have taken many vacations in the last couple of years... but what I used to do was take a bunch of Fridays off here and there. Sometimes I'd play golf, sometimes I'd hang out with Johnnie. It was these 3-day weekends that kept me sane even as I was facing divorce and re-engineering my life.  Today I have off because of the 4th of July tomorrow.  And so I have this nice, neat Friday off without even having to take vacation. I may end up looking after Johnnie for a bit but that's ok. In fact, I thought it would be first thing this morning, but then Lisa's plans were and have always been really flexible anyway and so when she called me to let me know the Johnnie thing wouldn't probably happen until way later as in lunchtime or maybe even after that, I was totally ok with it. What I did instead was make myself breakfast, had a nice mug of Earl Grey, and this feeling like a Saturday and all actually, started to do internal work. <In other words, nothing any different from a usual Friday LOL LOL LOL>

I watched this video from Aaron Doughty about the energy of Money and I realize that I am in CONSUME state mostly and so there is no output of energy for money to come back. Consume state is not just about buying stuff to consume, but also consuming media on TV. What I need to do is shift into CREATE state. I need to manage my energy better in order to manage money and let it flow to me. What IS IT that I need to do in order to fulfill my purpose. In order to help others? What is it that I need to create?  In order to be of service. In order to provide MASSIVE VALUE. I already do this in my job. How can I do it outside of my job and create systems that provide value to others... like Aaron did? At least I am aware that asking these questions and directing them to my Higher Self will help me keep connected AND actually get some meaningful answers. I watched other videos too, as watching on YouTube does help you find others like it. And so it was that I pretty much ended up spending a good part of the day in this state working on my internals. I would have been totally ok to just chill away my Friday like this until Lisa called.

It was already nearly 3 PM when she did. She was bringing Johnnie over and she was inviting me over for dinner when i took him back later on. I didn't understand why she was driving him but that was totally ok. And when she did Johnnie was totally asleep. He had HAD a pretty fun and active day apparently. Doing the water slide with the kids of Blanca her house cleaner. I'm glad any time Johnnie gets to play with other kids. I feel it is important he does that, in order to keep him developed socially at least. And so that he doesn't feel alone as a child. And so instead of watching him for a couple of hours this afternoon, I simply let him sleep. And when he woke up, it was already time to deliver him back to Lisa LOL LOL. When I got there she too was napping. I guess she had practiced the piano for a good couple of hours. And so it was that the dinner she invited me too turned into dinner that I was going to help make LOL. Another Lisa move but that was not meant as a complaint. Just Lisa being Lisa. We actually had a nice dinner... except that I had eaten something strange today that gave me diarrhea. As in I was ejecting stuff from lunch and I really couldn't even enjoy the fish Lisa made for me. Or maybe it was that? Something was strange. I stayed with them until almost 9 PM. And then I drove home and realized that somehow I was still hungry. And so I went to Ralphs and grabbed a quick pizza that I could bake up in 10 minutes. And then popped on my newly garnered membership to Disney+. The Mandalorian couldn't suck me in to subscribe. But today finally I did. Just to watch the filmed version of Hamilton the much acclaimed and popular play. I knew I could download it, but that was ok. I just caved in.  And so it was that tonight I ended up hanging out with Lisa and Johnnie. AND did my Friday night thing watching Hamilton with some pizza.  A win-win-win.  And a nice day off for me.

A Nice Warm Summer Day

The best part about Wednesday is that after today it's downhill for the rest of the workweek, although really who's even paying attention? If I didn't have the Huddle meeting at the end of the day at 4 PM, I certainly wouldn't be. Today I spent the morning doing Johnnie's writing assignments, both on the COVID19 time capsule and the Memory book for TK. I'm thinking I'm a bit concerned that he really doesn't have any special friends at TK, but I do know that every time we've wandered the neighborhood and were out and about, Johnnie has said hello to a couple of other kids, who also know him and said hello back. All that to say I care more about the social aspects of being with his peers in school than any of the academic stuff... says the guy who was 2 years younger than everyone else in his class in high school.  Anyway I also cared  that Johnnie was involved in all the class activities and I think he enjoyed those more than he lets on.  And judging from how he got into all the Maximo and Flow exercise stuff on GoNoodle (see pic), I think I've managed to do a pretty good job simulating his school day. Except for lunch of course. I'm sure he eats quite a bit more with me here at home than he does if he were at school LOL. Today I gave him a special treat. I ventured out to El Pollo Loco to get me some of that good chicken. But in doing so it also gave me an opportunity to get him some churros that he likes so much now. In addition to the chicken McNuggets he had for lunch. Dad and son had a pretty good feast at mid-day that's all I can say. I had a huge hole once again in his schedule for the rest of the afternoon. And so I focused on getting him to read some of those great books he liked so much on Bookflix <Weston Woods>. A story about Norwin and the Great Man-Eating Shark was something he especially gravitated to. Anyway before I knew it, it was already 4 PM and time for the Daily Huddle. And by 4:30, it was already all done. 

The second my meeting for the day was over, we dashed out with our scooters for a ride. Johnnie is really enjoying learning how to ride this thing. I posted a video of him riding along the streets of my neighborhood, all the way to his school and back. I posted a pic of him on the scooter when we reached his school.  I think we went almost 2 1/2 miles today. For sure I now know he can scooter to his school and pretty easily at that. Even if he did take a spill on the sidewalk. He didn't even acknowledge it. He got right back up, dusted himself off and kept right on going. That's my tough little kid. Anyway I know he did have fun and actually I did too, trailing him on my electric scooter. And even if mine was powered, Johnnie kept up fairly easily. I still have to make sure he pays attention to oncoming vehicles and such and to make sure he stops on time on ALL intersections but other than that, he's good to go and now we have something I know he can have fun with any time. WE got back before it was even 5:30. And this being WEdnesday and all, we had to go to Panda Express for dinner didn't we? Tonight I wanted to go back to an old staple: orange chicken which I hadn't had in so long. And so for the 2nd meal in a row today, dad and son had a feast together. Johnnie ate on his little cubby and I ate right behind him on the couch. I know it's not exactly eating side by side at the dinner table like we do at Lisa's. It's just Daddy-style is all. AND since he did so well and he had so much fun this afternoon, I rewarded him with an ice cream sandwich for dessert! Why not? He earned it. He even helped me clean up around his eating area, wiping it up with cleaner and all. And only after he cleaned up did he pronounce himself ready to watch videos for the evening. It was more of Tumble Leaf this evening, more of doing art work, and more of doing his restaurant thing that he opens up every day now, at least in this apartment.  AND for the 2nd night in a row I joined him taking a shower before bedtime. WHy not? I was just as sweaty as he was after the scooter ride after all. And I must say it is actually better to get the shower out of the way instead of rushing it in the morning. At least this way I KNOW I will have taken a shower unlike last week when it went up to 3 days before I felt really compelled to actually take one LOL. And so the bedtime routine was just that... routine. Johnnie did want to watch a little more about electricity tonight ...don't know why really but he was softly breathing out not 5 minutes after handing me the iPad. He had HAD a pretty long day. Long but a fun day. I did too. I do not take it for granted that I get to spend all this time with him in the time of the coronavirus lockdown. And I may not express it, but I am SO GLAD for that.

A Little More Me Time

So today Lisa seems to be feeling much better than last week so we went back to dropping Johnnie off to hang with her all day. To be clear we came to this agreement since Lisa is staying home AND Wednesday seemed to be my busiest day. But really I didn't mind having Johnnie with me. 75% of that decision was just because Lisa doesn't know how to be alone in her own house doing nothing. A never ending circle it would seem... she can't rest her brain enough yet going at full throttle the way she does forces her to shut down. A little sad only because I could really help her... but only when she listens to me and she stopped doing that a long time ago. And so we work within our given parameters. I drop Johnnie off and ask Lisa to have him back by 3:30-ish. By then Johnnie had already had his breakfast and had done some of the homework in today's lesson plan in fact. Look at the pic of him in the elevator on the way out. So cute. He DID ask me why he had to go to mom's house today and I reminded him she has to do his lessons this morning... Although I think he has already figured out that it is with me that he does most of his lessons. Anyway it is a moot point and by the time I got back to the house I do realize that I actually have a slow morning this morning. As in no meetings! Ahh. The better to enjoy the nice day out even. OK there was that quick Team Huddle I had first thing when I got back, but I got that over with in a hurry. And then on to the pic I took outside LOL. The nice thing when I don't have Johnnie is that I am not bound by time as much as my attention is not dominated by getting his lesson plan done. And so I can get out and get some exercise in, I can fix myself lunch... and I can do all these things without thinking about when.  Then again my attention on Johnnie didn't wander all that far. That's because a couple of things I ordered from Amazon came today. First the wobbler chair that I purchased just so he can have a decent way to sit and do his homework, at least in my apartment, finally got delivered. And then his brand new 2-wheel scooter came to. I'm excited to have him try both and more so the scooter than anything. And so I ended up having a pretty low-key day. It's not like I don't have stuff to do mind you, but just like it was when I was at the office, I tended to focus on emails and stuff that required my attention for the moment. Case in point... I know I have to work on my Tech Council notes, and presentation. I know I have to clean up invoices since they are now being tracked... not to mention I have to follow up my logs anyway that I hadn't updated for a couple of months. Work work work. But you know... I also can't deny how nice it feels to just be walking around outside and feel the warmth of the sun and the breeze in my face. And finally smelling summer scents. Much better than being cooped up in an office isn't it? And so it was that I got through the day quickly and on to the last meeting which was the late afternoon huddle. These things are going by much quicker these days since we are not so urgently handling stuff anymore. And we're starting to settle in and get into the business of getting back to whatever "settled" means. For I.S. nothing has changed really and I'm back to the directives pre-quarantine. Not much to share in those afternoon huddles actually for most everyone and so the meeting got done before 5 PM.

And that was about the time Lisa called to let me know she was dropping Johnnie off. I was right in the middle of the Wednesday huddle but I did agree to let Lisa have him until drop-off so here we were. Luckily, the call got done pretty quickly after Lisa called so she didn't have to wait. They were already in my front door of the building when I came out. Johnnie all marked up with pencil marker coloring all over his shirt, which is a good thing because this means he had a good day coloring something. As it turned out he did one of us science projects on Lisa's wall so he had fun. And Lisa dropped him off and that was that. From there, off we went to Panda Express to get our usual Wednesday dinner. Mushroom chicken for dad, teriyaki chicken for Johnnie. And THEN I sprung my surprise... which was Johnnie's new scooter! He still hadn't picked it up fully, but he sure goes much faster with this little thing and went all the way to Starbucks and back without complaining at all. Now we can practice scootering all the way to his school! Anyway I did post a video of him playing with the thing and then we spent the rest of the evening doing the rest of the lessons that Lisa didn't get to. She never gets through all of them I noticed LOL. Still it was some nice ME time for me, and then when I got Johnnie back, we still had some great play time together. A win win for all involved :)

Hangout with Johnnie Saturday

I was trying to meditate first thing this morning and I noticed that every minute or so a huge truck would be barrelling down Sawtelle Blvd right outside my window. These trucks were so loud you couldn't escape the interrupting rhythm. The first thought I had was that they were all headed to construction zones all over the place since LA partially re-opened yesterday officially. That actually doesn't mean all that much. Just that people can now go to retail stores, still purchase online but get their stuff via contactless drive-through delivery. That should be an interesting model. Which goes on to say going all the way back to the way it was pre-quarantine is still a ways away. And I will go on record as saying I don't mind. That's because I am one of the fortunate ones that are unaffected financially. I actually like working from home now and I love the fact that the streets are far emptier than they used to be. So this morning I was supposed to go over to Lisa's and make breakfast for mommy and son. I'm trying to be nice to Lisa because it IS Mother's Day weekend after all. I know I have a lot of timemarkers in the month of May.  And actually it was Lisa who reminded me yesterday that we had a wedding anniversary on May 2 which was actually a week ago.  Surprisingly I had forgotten all about it which means I AM farther along emotionally with the release of all those emotional ties connected with our past marriage. I'm actually pleased with that.  Anyway there are other timemarkers: Dexter's birthday which was last Thursday. For sure we would have gone somewhere to celebrate that. And then there's Mother's Day of course which is tomorrow. The USC Commencement has been a timemarker for me for almost 20 years now almost as an unofficial ushering in of summer. And THAT is happening Friday next week. And then of course the official ushering of summer on Memorial Day at the end of the month. But first there is still today. I went to Lisa's and made them French toast brioche like I said I would. They were R-E-A-L-L-Y good despite Lisa making another one of her negative observations that maybe some of them weren't soaked in enough. Gotta laugh right? You try to be nice to someone... She actually got on the phone with Jennifer Rubin (her old soccer teammate) and I must say I've always loved she and Humberto as almost our younger siblings. And I was glad to hear their voices too. Anyway I watched Johnnie while she was on the phone, continued to watch him while she played the piano. See the pic of he and I goofing around in his room upstairs. And when we ventured back downstairs she was laid out on the couch. Hey at least she got some stuff done right? By this time it was noon so I told her I'd just take Johnnie and watch him in my apartment and bring him back later on this afternoon. It was all good.

And so it was that I got a spontaneous few hours with Johnnie with us alone. It was like a Saturday when Lisa was working even while having to bring him back at 4 PM. Just as if she was at her office. Of course we had to have lunch right? More Carl's Jr chicken strips. And this time he ate all 3 and downed them with penne in chicken broth. I had some cheeseburgers from the $5 menu LOL. And then we spent some time outside too, this turning out to be a nice early May Saturday. We played baseball in my barbecue area. Look at the video I posted. The kid may have some talent actually. He also spent a good hour drawing on my floor while I was drifting in and out of a nap.  He's very balanced that way this kid. He is able to amuse himself at times, which is very very good. And very very independent of him. As I mentioned, I brought him back at 4 PM and by then I didn't care if he ended up missing dinner. I personally made sure he ate at least 2 good and substantial meals today.  Lisa was on the phone with her dad when we got there... which gave me an out to go "exit-stage right" LOL. And so I didn't have to stay for dinner. Sometimes you have to gauge Lisa in that there is a point where there is too much time spent together. I had my alone time with Johnnie and that was enough for me. I'm supposed to be coming back tomorrow anyway and she had already asked for a Mother's Day present. And it is... wait for it... for me to wash her car. Sigh. It's ok. I can suck it up and pay that price. I can be nice that way. Tonight I went home and watched old episodes of the HBO series Carnivale from the early 2000s. I don't know why really, it just caught my attention this good vs evil stuff. And at least it was not another period piece about early England (Last Kingdom), or medieval France (Knightfall) or the time of the Crusades. Carnivale IS set in the dustbowl during the Depression though (early 1930s). Still any day that I spend a significant time with Johnnie is a good day. And today a good it was.

Thursday and April Wind Down

So it IS Thursday, which also happens to be the last day of April 2020. And WHAT an April it was, probably the most unique in most of our lifetimes. This was the month we dug in and hunkered down with stay-at-home mandates and walked around outside with face coverings and such. This is the month we started to get used to a new normal as this week winds up finishing the 6th week we've all been working from home. The working from home part has been pretty easy actually. I think it's the Johnnie-not-going-to-school and Lisa and I taking turns playing teacher has been much tougher, at least from my perspective. And it wasn't exactly the mornings with him since I've actually developed a routine and rhythm when following his teacher Ms Gee's Lesson Plan. The trick is we're usually done by lunchtime and so I have to figure out stuff to keep him occupied in the afternoon. Therein lies the work isn't it? How to keep him occupied without parking him in front of the TV or the iPad. Sometimes we go outside and play baseball. But it gets really tough when I have meetings and I pretty much have to leave him alone. He usually ends up drawing something or doing something creative, thank god he's at least very independent that way. This morning was his meet-up with his class via Zoom. And although shorter than usual because his class already met up last night he still managed to present his "favorite season" drawing. I think he was the one of only 2 kids who said fall was his favorite. Why not fall? It's his birthday season. Plus, his favorite thing of all comes in the fall: Halloween! So anyway Johnnie did his Zoom class meeting and then I made him a pizza for lunch. Just a routine Thursday by now.

I ended up having 2 meetings this afternoon, and so I did have to park him in front of the TV watching Tumble Leaf. But I also managed to get some play time in with him as well. I knew full well it was hand-off night tonight and I always maximize our time together on Thursdays. Wasn't it just a few months ago that I would take him to Mitsuwa for a quick dinner before heading him off to Cornerstone Music Conservatory for Lisa's supposed violin lessons? Man how long did we end up doing THAT before Lisa wised up. Driving home after dropping him off always felt like a kick in the gut back then. Not all that different still actually. Still I did manage to get a video clip of Johnnie and I horsing around. Watching it makes me laugh. As it always will. As soon as the late afternoon huddle wound down I got Johnnie some chicken strips from Carl's jr. He's always liked those things even from the time he was barely 3 years old and I gave him his first taste of it at a Carl's jr in Santa Barbara. And tonight, it is dinner. And then by 6 PM, Lisa came by from her office and picked him up. He always knows when his mom is coming. He ends up drawing her SOMETHING. And then when they drove off and I did my evening walk, I still felt like I got punched in the gut. Not as hard anymore. But I felt it just the same. I finished my 11,000+ steps then had an hour-long talk with Jodi. I do think that woman likes me. We talked about possibly meeting up this weekend. We'll see. Not so much to clean up tonight. I had done a pretty good job of clean-up maintenance all week long. Just watched an episode of SIREN, then off to bed. Not going to be a 7 1/2 hr sleep like last night. But I'm not staying up way past midnight either. Just a nice end to the month of April that I don't think I'll ever forget.

Building a Fort

So Wednesday morning routine is to get Johnnie up and out of the apartment by 8:24. Why the odd time? Because the agreed time to drop Johnnie off at Lisa's house is 8:30 AM and I am usually on time. Not a dig at anyone, just the way I choose to operate with Lisa not that I'd get the same courtesy. The Wednesday drop-off is now the new normal, at least until Lisa goes back to work again and I'm actually ok with it although as fate would have it, the last couple of Wednesdays have not actually been all that busy. I just see it as an opportunity to get exercise in at lunchtime where I normall wouldn't get to when Johnnie is with me. And I pick him up early anyway to go to Panda Express night. I am clinging on to Panda Express night. Today the arrangements may be a little different because of the Build-a-Fort night scheduled for 7 PM tonight with Johnnie's class and I was the one that volunteered it to be at Lisa's house not only because her living room space is bigger, but also because I thought she'd want to see it and participate. She hasn't actually attended any Zoom meetings since they started. It's like she's afraid of the technology or something. Today she immediately asked me to pick up Johnnie earlier than usual. That would be because she has a piano lesson at 3:45 and far be it for me to refuse. In fact, I'm happy to pick him up early. That would ensure daddy-and-son Panda Express night before we have to go back to Lisa's house for Build-a-Fort. And so it was that I had a couple of not-so-important meetings today. But I did manage to get started on my steps early. I wanted to make sure I had 11,000 or close to it by the time we were back at Lisa's. After all, who knows when that is going to end and how close it would be to Johnnie's bedtime. And I got to 10,000 by right after lunch at that. The day went by pretty quickly and I was at Lisa's by 3 PM to pick up Johnnie. Lisa beat me to the punch actually. She called before then asking to come and go for a run with Johnnie and the dog. That would be a yellow flag, ESPECIALLY if she isn't coming along. That means Johnnie has gotten under her skin. Or something has. Mom and son met me with the dog right in the side gate and she handed him off telling me to go run with him for an hour. I get it that she has piano lessons. I get it that Johnnie wants to run with the dog. We ran around the block for a bit and then I realized that I needed to be back by 4 PM for my last meeting. And so we just dropped off Zucko the dog and took off. Lisa was perplexed why we were back so early. I wasn't going to explain anything. And then she said to go ahead and do the Build-a-fort thing at my house and she didn't need to be there. OK then. I guess she IS on overwhelm right about now. This is the time I knew not to even bother to say anything else. Off we went back to the apartment. Everyone is better off.

And so it was that we went home, I did my last meeting and then we did our usual Panda Express run. This time I got my iced tea pomegranate pineapple drink too. And then we built our fort. Turned out that the 2 benches from the dining table made EXCELLENT side supports. And with my queen size throw blanket over the top? Voila! We had a pretty good looking fort! Johnnie stuffed the inside with all the pillows I had. And took the technicolor-dream-coat throw as his blanket. Who needs Lisa's house?!! And then when the Zoom meeting started, we were one of the first ones on, that's how excited I was. I took a picture to send to Lisa. And it was Jodi, the new woman I've been talking to on Match that texted about how things were going. Heck she showed more interest than Lisa did sad to say. And so I texted her a picture too. Anyway I posted a video snippet of the Zoom session with Ms Gee reading a couple of books. And then she opened it up to the kids reading a couple of pages from their books. Johnnie picked Pete the Cat has the hiccups. How he remembered where I stashed that book I don't even know. But he did read. And I was so excited that he was really engaged. This event turned out to be pretty successful. And one that I'm going to remember. I was in such high vibration afterwards even though Johnnie sort of got discombobulated with the time and ran into the bathroom to take his shower when the event got done. It was only 8 PM. That's ok. Not a bad idea to get an early night's sleep. For me too. I could have called Jodi and talked some... but I decided I was going to have thie time, this moment alone Johnnie and I. It should have been shared with his mom but perfectly ok if she wasn't all that interested. Johnnie doesn't have to ever know. And so it was that I went to bed at barely 9 PM too tonight. It will help make up for the TV binging I'm sure to do this weekend LOL LOL. But it turned out to be a pretty good day.

"Social Isolation" Day 1

It was supposed to rain most of the day today. It would make it easy to stay in and have one of my usual LEARNING SATURDAYS which is what I do when I don't have Johnnie on a Saturday, especially since the Bengston Research event just got cancelled. It's like it was there then it wasn't. I couldn't think of a better way to learn healing especially in the now era of coronavirus, but then again the social consciousness of lack and limitation was evident and in full manifestation with the half empty store shelves in all grocery stores these days. No matter. I can still reset and recharge and learn it on my own. And wouldn't you know that I get on the internet first thing and was able to download William Bengston's book for which the event was based from anyway. I can still learn it. And of course whenever I get an opening like that [downloading a book], it's like coming upon a YouTube video I was steered into watching. There never is just one. There's more. And others related to that. And even others related to stuff I was already thinking about. It's like a channel opens and there are lots of things on that channel.  So not only did I download Bill Bengston's book, there was also another couple of books that caught my attention. One from Richard Dotts who co-authored a book with Dr Joe Dispenza. And one from Melody Fletcher who has a way and style of delivering the same content that I've reading over and over now for the last year but in a more direct manner that I resonate with. I posted her video on the 4 Core Beliefs we need to overcome. And so I basically flowed into my CHILL Saturday no different than really any other CHILL Saturday. I went out to get breakfast at McDonald's since I want to save the eggs that I was able to procure yesterday - with great effort I might add -  for Johnnie's breakfasts next week. It was surreal walking into a pretty empty McDonald's right down the block which is always usually full at this time in the morning. I look across the street at the Ralphs's parking lot and THAT is full and it is usually empty at this time of the morning on a weekend. It's 9 AM after all. I guess people are still in hoarding mode. I realize that it is during this time that I have to take particular care about my own state and my own awareness and make sure I do not get sucked into that negative thinking and negative thoughtforms. It is more important than ever to anchor myself to the things I am trying to learn today. And so I cruised through a lot of material this morning, making notes, listening to videos, reading some of the books. And when I needed a break I continued watching Iron Fist from last night. Yes I stayed up late, but I also got up late this morning and I got 5 hours of sleep after all. And I know there is a nap in my near term future too LOL. That nap came after lunch and lasted an entire hour. I didn't go out for lunch. There was so much more food than normal now in my fridge I had to eat some. Tuna sandwich on Hawaiian bread today. People can hoard all they want but food goes bad if you do not consume them. By the time I got up from my nap it was almost 4 PM! And I was just at 2000 steps. So guess what I got to do for the next hour or so?! I walked around my neighborhood until I got to 7000 steps as sort of the first level. And then finished off 11,000 after it got dark. It wasn't exactly a nice day out today. In fact it was raining on and off all day long. Made golf Sunday tomorrow questionable. We will have to play it by ear.  So today turned out to be a pretty quiet Saturday. And after a very busy and hectic and anxious week, a much needed quiet. We all hit the RESET button. And now we're re-booting...

Last Day at the FRB Until... TBD

So today is the last day for us to work at the FRB, at least through the end of the month. My team is still in the middle of last-minute preparations for remote work of our staff, including doing department training. I admit I've been driving my team pretty hard, though really not harder than usual I would think. I would hope they realize the urgency of the time, which is something they sometimes fail to grasp and it requires a loud reminder, usually from me. Still, by mid-morning we had everything pretty much in place and I acknowledged my team that they did pretty well in handling the current "crisis". During the morning meeting where Barbara finally addressed our situation with everyone on the FRB team, and she acknowledged my team for meeting the challenge, and we got an ovation from everyone. Later on when she left, Eloisa said my team's performance this week was "impressive". I'm going to accept that pat on the back and I can only say at the end of the day that I breathed out a sigh of relief for a job done well. I said in the beginning of the week during one of my morning ask-a-question meditations, that I wanted to focus on providing massive value this week. I think I did just that. Not only where we able to provide hardware and training for the staff, that was not as easy as it sounds. The Finance Department in particular was particularly challenging. Let's hope they do ok when they're working from home in a world-full of change. By 5 PM we were still helping people who had lots of questions. By that time it felt like the time we had packed up and left the EEB the day USC Stevens moved out of the USC campus to the Transamerica building. It's probably going to be as confusing as that for a while, at least for the next week. And so my team's job is not quite done. But I think they'll be up to it. Before I drove home I got a call from Lisa. She was cautioning me that she had tried to go grocery shopping and the shelves at all the stores were getting emptied out fast, especially for the basic stuff. W-h-a-t?  Now what's going on?

So this morning the announcement came that LAUSD is closing all schools for 2 weeks. So as I prepare to work from home for a while, it appears I won't be alone at home from Tuesdays to Thursdays. Johnnie will be with me and I have to figure out how to continue his studying regimen. Lisa and I had talked about the possibility last night. I just didn't think it would come so soon. And then I got a call from the people sponsoring the Bengston Energy healing event this weekend. THAT is cancelled too. Sigh. I was really looking forward to it. But I guess not. Leaves the weekend wide open for me. So this afternoon, with all these things going on, cancellations and closings left and right, It turns out that Westside Angelenos and probably the rest of the locality and even the state are in hoard mode. Everyone is buying up everything. It makes a little bit of sense considering we've all been advised to socially isolate for the next couple of weeks. I have to admit, when Lisa told me I had to go to the store and see for myself, and I too got a little bit caught up in it. I mean there were no eggs and milk left except for a couple of the expensive kind, which of course I felt compelled to buy along with other stuff I don't usually buy. At least for the next week I think I have enough supplies for Johnnie and I. Lisa also invited me to dinner this evening and I agreed. I knew I was going to end up eating fish and vegetables at her house but I also figured I wasn't going to be seeing Johnnie all weekend and so I appreciate the chance to see him again tonight. And that I did. I went over, Johnnie and Lisa were dancing, I got her to start cooking after a while. And then I put on YouTube on her Amazon Fire TV which I'm sure she didn't even know she had. Of course Johnnie had to put on Frozen 2 songs. And regaled us both with his renditions. He was way off-key in a way that I'm sure would have driven Miss Annie at Cornerstone Music Academy mad. But it was also so so cute! Anyway we ended up having a pretty nice dinner together... one of Lisa's "family" dinners such as it were. And then I went on home. Finished my steps and it would have been nice to go to bed early. But I was still somewhat amped from the week. I ended up binge-watching Iron Fist on Netflix of all shows. Went to bed at 3 in the morning. Hey it's ok. Gonna be a quiet weekend.

Johnnie Home Not So Sick

So LAUSD has this rule that if you pick up your kid from school sick, he can't be back for 24 hours. Which meant Johnnie couldn't go back to school today. Which meant I had to stay home to watch him. Oh well, I guess I get a day off at home too. I think I needed it anyway. Last night I finally got more than 6 hours of sleep and it felt good not to have to go anywhere. Johnnie and I just lazily had breakfast at home and we didn't get out of our sleepwear. As far as his supposed illness... he did have a fever last night, a slight one I think. And he was warm when he slept last night. But he must have just simply slept it off because he was already just fine when he got up this morning. In fact, if I wasn't forced to keep him at home, I would have sent him to school today, that's how ok I think he is. In fact, it was a weekday as usual for him. He had breakfast, watched his dinosaur videos and I was actually concerned I wasn't going to give him enough learning time. I did not want to sit him in front of the TV not even for a couple of hours. But I did relent to him watching Frozen again. Gotta love Frozen. Look at the video of him singing along. It's the cutest thing ever. And then afterwards we finally did go outside and it was an awesome warm day out. It did not feel like winter at all. More like late spring actually. And look at him kicking around a soccer ball. Does that look like a sick child to you? Anyway we played in the outdoor area, and then we went out and got lunch... chicken noodle soup for JOhnnie at his request, and I drove through Burger King so I could have an Impossible Whopper. Hey it's great that I can still have a BK burger and it's made of plant protein. And then we made one more stop. We stopped at Best Buy so I could get a new iPad. I had given up my old one for lost and that's ok. I had bricked it already anyway. Just means it's time to get a new one is all. And so I went and got one with Johnnie in tow. I will say that now that he's used to not taking an afternoon nap, he didn't take one today. In fact after lunch I launched a bunch of lessons for him. I made up some Math lessons, some reading lessons, and we even read a couple of books too. I made him read one himself. And in the middle of all of that, one glimpse on the internet and there continued a total outpouring of emotions from other people affected by the Kobe tragedy. I tried to keep from seeing them all lest I would start to cry again. I completely appreciate that I am here. now. with my son. And we're getting to spend the entire day together. And so I tried to do the afternoon as if he were at STAR. We did lessons, we played baseball, and finally right about the time I would pick him up I let him watch videos. I would transition into regular Tuesday night routine of course, which meant I would barbecue some Italian sausage and Johnnie would eat more penne pasta. And then of course I would make chocolate chip cookies. What would Tuesday night be without chocolate chip cookies. In the meantime, Johnnie was all over me on the couch. All our kids want is our attention right? I made sure he had mine. And so it was that by the time I gave him a shower and tucked him into bed I closed my eyes and felt an immense amount of gratitude that I got a nice day to spend with my son today. I thanked the Universe very very much.