Memorial Day

So today is Memorial Day and the first off-day I've had from work since mid-February.  It was very much welcomed and immediately upon waking up I treated this like it was one of my learning Saturdays from earlier in the year. I didn't have any plans other than to rest and relax and if I could have spent the entire day on the couch i think I would have. I actually tried to make sense of what seemed like a pretty huge anomaly of a week last week. Anomaly in a sense that I had these physical symptoms and they seemed to take control of everything including my thinking. It was as if the ego part of me won out and my Higher Self got pushed to the side. Gone was the routine of raising my vibration... replaced by the fear of being ill, the fear of dying. Fear won out. And maybe that too is a metaphor of what is going on in the outside world. And maybe I've listened to one too many a newscast about how people are starting to act like real jerks out there. COVIDIOTs I call them. Today I feel much better than last week and my resting heart rate is finally turning around and trending back down from the highs of Friday. Did I really have a bug and my body has finally fought it off? Did I sufficiently pay attention to whatever I needed to pay attention to and made sure I was clear of that energy? Now that I am thinking about it, I don't think I handled it well at all. Fear of dying came up, as did fear of my body breaking down, fear of getting old. I saw myself take acetaminophen and start taking blood pressure medication for the first time in months. And really, if there was one thing I was sure of that caused the spike in resting heart rate, it was anxiety and stress. Something triggered it and I never could get relaxed enough all week long. And my routine was most definitely jarred. Not that I couldn't start up all over again, just that I really did not do a good job dealing with this set of symptoms. At least from an energetic standpoint. The key to success is consistency. And so I must also start up all over again with my energy practice. If last week's physical events were merely projections of something negative then all the more harder I need to work to transmute my own Dark side.

I managed to follow up yesterday's 13,000 steps with a back-to-the-usual 11,100+ steps today and I didn't feel muscle aches anymore. I did manage to enjoy my day and had a nice walk around my neighborhood.  However, if my contemplation this morning brought out the awareness of my Dark Side, then I didn't do too well acknowledging it and keeping it from taking over either. This manifested itself, as it usually does, with my interaction with Lisa tonight.  I went over to her house after 5 PM to pick up Johnnie. I got there and found mom and son reading on the couch. Lisa is apparently in her lazy mode after apparently having spent a day at the beach with her brother Joah and wife. It would have been easy enough to pack him up and leave right then and there. But you don't actually get to do that with Lisa. She will ask you to pick up the mess that's there, and do whatever else she wants picked up. I don't think she gets that I am NOT INTERESTED at all in doing that or anything else as a family thing. The weekends turn out the way they do because it's her time. And I'm merely inserting myself in that and not trying to exert control. but it is WAY DIFFERENT when it's my turn.  In fact, all I care about then is to pick up Johnnie as quickly as possible and get on with my week with him. She sensed that I had a negative energy about being there at her house as if I was being inconvenienced. Which was exactly how I felt. I DID feel inconvenienced that I had to stay even an extra second. THAT is my Dark Side. A fight would have been inevitable had I stayed longer. Mercifully, Lisa simply let us go quickly. On the drive back I became aware that this past week I seemed to have lost the ability to focus on what I want, and focus on my intention. And instead let circumstances control myself and my thinking. Which means I have a lot of work to do. A lot to practice. What did Johnnie and I do tonight? The talent video that was due tomorrow. Johnnie wrote a book and he read it with some music in the background provided by...me. It's all we had. Lisa talked about playing the piano, I talked about playing the ukulele, but this was Johnnie's talent. Doing his little drawings and telling stories. Little Spielberg. Hey I saw it first :)