Trying to Find Normal

I noticed last night that the muscle soreness in my legs had returned. Could it be that I got back maybe a little too quickly? That maybe my legs and my body could use one more day off? No harm in a little rest right? And then when I noticed that my resting heart rate had still spiked even further to 75 and even 76 that was even more cause for alarm. It meant that I was mired in some ANXIETY. And I don't really even know what I was anxious about. What I did know for sure was that I had to address it thought it would be difficult this morning when I have a full slate of Johnnie lessons to do. In fact, maybe that would be one thing to focus on is not to get riled up with him with his lessons. I know I get pretty intense with him, at least for his age. But that's also because I don't want him shrugging stuff off and not taking his lessons seriously. He IS smart. But he also knows it. He's like me. And so I don't want him goofing around. Like me. And so for this morning at least, my internal work would have to give way to focusing on Johnnie's lessons. Especially when I made up my mind that I was going to get him to finish the rest of the week as well. Who KNOWS what Lisa has in store for tomorrow, the Friday before the long weekend. She already readily admitted she wasn't as good at following the lesson plans. And so I was happy to push Johnnie a little extra this morning. And true enough he got done with reading and writing by 10 AM. And by 10:30 AM I even got him to do some of Ms. Williamson's Music Class. And Ms. Park's Art Class. Look at the pic of him with his homemade maracas. It was pretty cool I thought. By the time the Zoom class came on by 11 AM, Johnnie was eager to share his shapes character. And I was so happy he was engaged and shared readily and easily. That's a big deal to me. I was not like that when I was young I don't think. It means that he is in a nurtured, safe environment. All a parent could ever ask for. The Zoom meeting today had some emotion behind it I sensed, and more than likely because Ms Gee was in the classroom packing up all the kid's stuff. The school year is fast coming to a close and it was a tad bittersweet that it was cut short the way it was. But the kids did have at least 6 months together and I am already starting to think of the Kinder class this upcoming school year.

After the Zoom meeting, I made Johnnie his pizza for lunch and spaghetti for me. And then when I could sense that I could no longer hold Johnnie's attention because he and I both knew he had finished the day's lessons, I took him outside. And made him ride his brand new scooter he got last week. I wanted him to learn balance. And even though all I can say was that in this circumstance, I still observed that I NEED TO LEARN PATIENCE. And be MORE GENTLE when teaching. How can I expect the Universe to be gentle to me when I am not quite so gentle. And I am not gentle because I am not patient. Many times during the ride I ran up to Johnnie and yanked him straight, in a not so gentle way. But to his credit, he rode and rode and rode. We rode all the way down the distance of his school and around to Starbucks. For sure we rode (and I walked) the equivalent of a mile. So much for taking another day off with steps LOL. But at least Johnnie knows now that he can ride all the way to his school from the apartment. For SURE we're going to be doing a lot more of that in the future. Before long it was already time to bring him back to Lisa's. I waited until her call that she was home. She is now seeing patients in her office and so it wouldn't be long before she would be back to her old self in terms of forgetting about Johnnie until the last second. I dropped Johnnie off... told him I'd see him this weekend... and then went on home. I got to 10,000 steps by this time already. And I could have pushed to 11,000. But maybe not doing that would be my idea of rest you know? I push-push-pushed Johnnie all day. And I was going to push-push-push ME. And maybe that was the lesson all along. There is no need to push that hard. Not today. The focus was on JOhnnie's learning... how he learned onomatopoeia. How he rode his scooter the longest he had ever ridden one. That it was such a beautiful day out. How did I let myself turn into Lisa?