Happy Thanksgiving

So first things first, Johnnie spent the night at my apartment last night so Lisa could do her usual Wednesday routine and so we got up this morning, got breakfast, I let him watch a few videos and THEN I dropped him off at Lisa's. They're spending Thanksgiving at Joah's in-laws and so it's a combined Thanksgiving with Lisa's family too. I of course worried that some people were not taking the coronavirus pandemic too seriously and it would become some kind of spreader event, but I trust Lisa to be careful. She, of all people, should practice a large amount of caution. I was reading somewhere that the numbers in LA County has gotten quite significantly worse... to the point where the modelling predicted that 1 in 145 LA County residents are already infected with the disease. That's great. I, on the other hand, made no plans today. I would have gone to San Diego to see my family like last year, but this year with the pandemic, I simply did not feel the urgency to get together. And I was already back to being anti-social towards them when we all got sent home to quarantine in March anyway. It's like I was given a legit reason to actually avoid contact! And I have to ask myself... do I dislike them that much? That can't be it right? I think there may be SOMETHING to my own perception that they don't care. I mean have they reached out to me ever? My mom used to... to make me take her out for her birthday and things like that. But my mom's cognitive decline was pretty evident the last time we all got together for Maia's birthday in February. And so whatever she felt towards me now, I'm just letting go regardless.

I reminded myself that today was a day to practice gratitude. And I actually I will admit to spending some time in my old journals. Those that go way WAY back more than a decade ago. I looked up what I was doing Thanksgiving. And got no further than the first online journal in 2009 when Lisa and I went to Maui together. And of course 2010 when Thanksgiving was spent in the Philippines and Thanksgiving dinner was some saltine crackers from 7-11 because both Lisa and I got violently ill with gastroenteritis. There was the Thanksgiving spent in Vancouver which is still one of my favorites because of all the swankiness we experienced at the Fairmont. And then the road trip to Sedona/Grand Canyon with Dexter and Yadira. This was all before we started going to Maui to visit Joy and fam for a span of a few years. It saddened me that Lisa didn't really want to go this year even if Hawaii was NOT in the middle of quarantine. Something about her feeling like she was overstaying a welcome. I resisted the idea that that trip is not the same without me. But then again, there was no denying that Thanksgiving trips had turned out to be the most memorable for Lisa and I when we were together. I was grateful for the memories. Grateful that I have a son to raise. Grateful for a very well-paying job that affords me a pretty nice apartment. But other than being employed, I'm also grateful that I make a difference in my company. I'm grateful that if all I have to complain about is getting up a couple of times a week sometimes to pee and a case of high blood pressure that is under control and some numbness in the skin of my left big toe, then I'm thankful that I am relatively healthy aren't I? I'm thankful that I have more than $75K laying around for a rainy day and almost $700K in a retirement account that is sure to grow. Oh I could whine about me being alone on Thanksgiving and not being around my family. But then again I chose to do that didn't I? I am still thankful for them though. After all, intentional or not they are a part of what made me who I am aren't they? I'm thankful for the here and now. And next year I am grateful for even MORE.