Golf Sunday January 26 version

Tee time this morning was at 8:30 PM at Eaton Canyon for the FOCUS LESSON called GOLF LOL. Our complement of 4 was there this morning and this morning the lesson came early. I was on my way to the course still at the 10 freeway and my thoughts were disjointed, but not just that. I realized I was having a full on anxiety attack right then and there. I reminded myself it was all about breathing. But even the act of trying to calm myself down brought about an anxiety of its own. I put on Schumann frequencies, did some EFT exercises, Hoonoponopono mantras. Eventually I did manage to calm down. And I reminded myself it was simply energy trying to bust out and it was up to me to transmute it. That alone was a great lesson for the day. And then came the golf. My first shot off the tee was a beauty right down the middle. And I followed that up with a fairway wood right on the green. I ended up with a par on the first hole, on a hole I had never shot a par on ever. My visualization was spot on. And on the 2nd tee, I did the same thing, great tee shot, iron right on the green. On in 2. I would miss the par putt though, but still I felt really good. On Hole 3 I made it over the fence just fine and just needed to get on the green from right in front. But I would mess up that shot and end up with a 5. And on Hole 4, I would mess up the tee shot, because I had focused on getting Greg to get the pic of me that I posted. I tied for the win on the next hole and so after 5 holes I was tied for the lead 2-2-2-1. And I had a chance to tie again the next hole but i blew the putt. Chris would win the next 2 holes to seal the deal. I was one stroke off both holes. And on the last hole, I would put my first tee shot on the street. I knew my focus was totally gone by this time. I was in a position to win the last hole 2. I was on the edge of the green in 3 shots, everyone else was sprayed all over the place. But I blew my putts again. We all did so bad on that last hole we just sort of waved it off and didn't even score it. The lesson for the day was clear: I was supposed to slow myself down but I didn't. Again. I started great but could not sustain in after Hole 2. I need to work on what I need to do in order to sustain that focus. Even in the face of the anxiety attack in the morning. Lesson acknowledged.

Lisa asked me to come by at 2:30 PM. Kinda early but I didn't care. I get to hang out with my Little Bug today. I brought my iPad in case I needed to get him to watch stuff. Lisa talked about having dinner together when she got back and I was fine with that. She wanted fish and to cook the udon she had. My thought was to get some easily made stuff from Trader Joe's. A clash of styles. Me: quick and eezy peezy but good. Lisa: Gotta be done from scratch and why don't we use up what I already have. Funny. I gave in. Didn't need an argument today. Besides, my focus was having fun with Johnnie. Just look at him in the pictures. He blew bubbles outside. It had turned out to be a warmer day than usual. And then when he got done with that we played soccer in the backyard. I pushed aside thoughts of Lisa having spent all that money and really the backyard didn't look all that much better than when I had it the way it used to be. It's all about tending it and it was clear it wasn't being tended now. But I reminded myself that THAT is no longer my business. The backyard grass anyway. And besides, Johnnie and i really did have fun playing in it today. Afterwards he and I went to Ralphs to pick up dinner. And on the way back I noticed my iPad wasn't in the car. Nothing to do but to look for it at Lisa's house of course. And by the time we got back, Johnnie had fallen asleep in the back seat. I put him up in his room and then started a frantic search for my iPad. Fortunately I had the find-my-iPhone app on my phone and I actually got it GPS-located. Right outside where I was parked. Did I leave it on the roof of my car and drove off? I didn't remember. But it wasn't physically where the map said it was either. Damn. Did I just lose my iPad? In a fit of panic, I wiped it. Bricked it clean. Which meant I would never be able to find it again. Sigh. Oh well. Time to get a new one anyway. And THEN I finally decided to make dinner although now I didn't feel like sticking around and eating. Because of the iPad. Another lesson in controlling my state. Still I managed to fix dinner and Lisa and I managed to have dinner together. Johnnie had screamed and ran downstairs in a fit of fear. But I did get him to continue sleeping. And so he laid there on the couch asleep while his mom and dad ate dinner and talked for a bit. I left before 7 PM. It was Sunday and I still had stuff to do. Gotta get mentally ready for next week. When I got home I got the worst news of all. Kobe Bryant had gotten killed in a helicopter crash in Calabasas. No wonder I got a text from Karl earlier in the day. It merely said: Kobe? Could it be real. Nah. Can't be. He's 41 years old. He was easing into retirement and doing well. He was coaching his daughter in basketball. He seemed like... me. Enjoying being a dad. That was everything. Being a dad. And when I realized it wasn't a hoax, I turned on the TV. And watched NBA players playing games with tears in their eyes. And I started to cry. And cry. And cry. And cry.