Finally Handing Johnnie off

So Lisa had to work today, her first Saturday back since her vacation. And so I get Johnnie for the day anyway.  This would mean that I would have had Johnnie by myself for an entire week! That's the longest he has ever been with me alone since, well, since he was born! But I don't get to hand him back just yet until tonight. Today we still get to do our breakfast ritual... at Elysee. And then after that a shopping run at Target. Of course we can't walk in there without running into some toy that captures Johnnie's attention. And today I actually bought one for him. It's play-doh dinosaurs. I bought it knowing full well that he would get his clothes a little full of play-doh. I did that knowing that in the back of my head I'm trying to slowly (or not) get Johnnie into routine. After all, he has to go back to school on Monday too and go back to THAT routine. At least with a new toy I got to divert his attention for a bit. I mean look at him playing with it in the pic I posted. It took all of 3 minutes for him to get play-doh all over his pants. And then I remind myself the one thing I did take away from Blue Oak: "if he's dirty and needing to get his clothes laundered, it meant he had a good time." And in almost a blink of an eye it was already time to go to lunch. Of course I wanted to stick to Saturday routine and go to Panda Express Westwood. I saw my ego-self bristle at the atrocious parking efforts of a few of the patrons in there. I heard myself think about how inconsiderate they are. And then I reminded myself about the parable of the boat and the monk. Irritation and anger was already in me just waiting to get released.  And all I needed to do was to simply raise my vibration. I did this by simply observing how Johnnie was munching at the teriyaki chicken with gusto. And then the chocolate chip cookie right after that. He was happy as a bug. And there was no reason why I shouldn't have been either. After all, it's the last day of the week we've spent together just he and I. I should savor EVERYTHING. He didn't feel like taking a nap after that big lunch either. I figured I'd let him stay up because he wouldn't be taking any more naps in the afternoon after tomorrow. And I got a chance to be present with him just one more time. This happened while he was playing AND watching a Magic School Bus video. He was climbing all over me trying to get my attention and I watched myself get irritated because I was trying to put together a clip and start catching up on my journal. I was already at least 4 days behind. And I snapped at him. And of course he cried. But he didn't blame me. In fact, what he brought up was that  he didn't understand why it took 20 days for his mom's house to be fixed. I watched myself initially react by blaming Lisa. Until I realized after a minute that I needed NOT to blame anyone. Johnnie was trying to show me HIS reality right now, which was that he was confused a little about his mommy's house. But in the end I also knew that he needed to go home. And THAT was home too. I hugged him and told him mommy really needed to fix the house but that it was almost done. In fact, it would be done this weekend and that he was going to be sleeping there anyway tonight. I mopped up his alligator tears, hugged him as tightly as I could and then asked him if he'd watch the movie FROZEN again with me. Something about that movie he had gotten attached to and I have a feeling it was something he got to do with Lisa. She really needs to pay attention how much this kid is attached to her. I have no question that he loves me too. He tells me all the time. But I acknowledge that his bond with his mommy is very very special and short of telling her she needs to stop fucking around with her house, I wanted to make sure she knew he missed being at her house too. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening finishing laundry and packing him up. And of course we had to have dinner right? I made me a steak, made him some teriyaki chicken that he didn't eat, made him some chicken noodle penne that he did. Just your usual Saturday night. And then by 6:30 PM we got the call from Lisa that she was indeed ready for him to come home. Workers were apparently moving furniture back into the house as we spoke which was a good thing. She will have tomorrow to fix everything. In a way it was also a bit of a final processing from OUR move from Lindbrook. This way she gets to do everything she wants and I didn't need to get involved. All  I had to do was to drop Johnnie off. I felt a deep sense of gratitude that she let me have Johnnie for an entire week. We may not have done much at all really considering the timeframe, but I thought we bonded anyway. The most important thing was that he spent time with ME. It didn't really matter what we did. I was present. And I was glad. And so I dropped him off and went home and for once it was quiet in the apartment. Dirty from all of Johnnie's stuff. But no need to put them all away just yet. It's ok to just sit back and savor. And maybe stay up late again LOL...