No More Golf And A Strange New Normal

All told I ended up spending more than 8 hours with Lisa and Johnnie yesterday. I chronicle the amount only because it is the most time I've spent with Lisa specifically since I left the Maplewood house 1 yr and 8 months ago. It was not as smooth as I made it seem on the outside. I was not really mentally or emotionally prepared to do that and so old stuff came up to the surface and it was all I can do not to react and to control my state. But I did that mostly... stayed in control and dare I say I actually made it look like it was pleasant. But there is also no mistaking that the reason Lisa and I lost our marriage was that neither one of us wanted to cooperate with the other's need to control. And the reason we work now, such as it is is that I cede that control to her or at least make it look like I do. I bite my tongue and just clean and clear away right after. It looks like I'm going to need to do a whole lot of that now all over again. Which makes it really important to keep doing the things that have kept me sane all this time. And one of those things is golf. I was really glad that the golf courses were not subject to the lockdown rule, at least not at the time I made my tee time reservation at Altadena Golf Course in the middle of last week. I double checked on Friday and made sure they were still open. And so you can imagine my total surprise when Scott called me from the golf course right as I was pulling up at 8 AM and told me not to bother. The course was closed. W-h-a-t?? Closed? NO! Much as I didn't want to believe it there was no mistaking the chains that bound the unopened gates at every entrance. And that we were the only cars in the lot. I even entertained throwing my clubs over the fence and climbing it. But I didn't want to get arrested either. Oh well. Greg and Scott went for a walk around the neighborhood. I posted a picture of them walking in the far distance. Later on I would verify the bad news. Golf courses in So Cal are closed until the lockdown is lifted. Sigh. There goes golf... 

Oh well, at least I got in to Food 4 Less Pasadena and replenished supplies. All except toilet paper which seemed to still be at a premium. Oh and gas was less than $3 a gallon...lowest I've seen it in a long time. I went home and went for a walk around the neighborhood. Lisa and Johnnie were housebound but I figured I'd at least get my own stuff done before heading over there. Stuff like...laundry. And maybe make my lunch. I made some Arnel style Bolognese. Have lots of pasta now. And enjoyed my lunch. I'm still going to cling to as much alone time as I can, especially now that it would appear weekends with Johnnie would have to include Lisa for the duration. Something strange did happen this afternoon though, which was to me merely a continuation of the negative energy I harbored after not getting to play golf. The washer started making high-pitched noises, more than usual. I mean it was noisy before. But now it was a strange noisy. And it smelled like something was burning. Still I was washing my towels when all of a sudden my fire alarms all went off and there was smoke coming out of the washing machine. W-h-a-t in the hell?!! It was all I could do to get my towels out of there and open all windows to ventilate the apartment and get the smoke out. It's one of those...why did THAT happen? Was it really more negative stuff from me? Was I manifesting letting out steam from the extended time with Lisa yesterday? Was it merely a reminder that I also need her, particularly right now since I could easily use her washer and dryer. I mean I already did my comforter at her washer and dryer yesterday. Doing my towels would certainly not be a big deal I don't think. In any case I just went over there with my wet towels. Hey I got her stuff from Food 4 Less too didn't I? I sort of made a deal that we were going to share groceries with each other if we ran short on anything. She was already short on toilet paper wouldn't you know it. And so I gave her a couple from my stash. I had bought a dozen rolls just a couple of weeks ago and I still had half left even after giving her some. Anyway she was running Johnnie through last week's lesson plan that apparently neither one of us followed. She got through 5 days in the whole 2 days of this weekend. I wasn't worried. It wasn't like Johnnie was behind. Certainly not in reading or math anyway. I'm more worried about social development. I helped Johnnie finish the lesson plan while Lisa played the piano. And by nightfall, Lisa made me dinner again like last night. It was more of the same in fact. Turkey quesadillas. It wasn't bad. Even better was that she and Johnnie did the thing they do. Bake dessert. They made a banana bread cake. THAT was really excellent. And so it was that I spent about 5 hours with Lisa and Johnnie today, grateful that I at least got to finish washing my towels. I reciprocrated by taking out Lisa's garbage bins. No little deal since it had started to rain pretty hard by dinner time. By the time I left around 8 PM it had started pouring in fact. It turned out to be a pretty strange day. Part of the new normal I have to start getting used to. I at least ended the evening with something familiar. Watching the Walking Dead. But there would be no pressing clothes for the coming work week, not even any anxiety over what I am supposed to be doing. I have a feeling more rush-rush projects are yet to come. I'm not worried. I'm built for that stuff. That's where I'm at my best. Weekend over. Work week adventure coming up.