Still With Lessons From the Ego

I was driving home and simply trying to focus on up-leveling my vibration. And then I got a pretty strong reminder. Someone tried to cut me off getting into my lane on the onramp to the 10 Freeway. And like the monk in the boat trying to meditate getting bumped by a boat, I got angry. For a minute I was angry. Until I remembered not to be. I reminded myself that it was a move that I myself had done many times too and it was up to me to react. or not. In this case, I felt slighted. I DECIDED to feel slighted instead of simply letting him in the lane and not even reacting. I wonder how many times that happens in a day? In this case, the answer would come almost immeditely. On the offramp the woman in front of me was going so slow, I got frustrated and zoomed past her... in anger. I gave her a snotty look of irritation too. Sigh. Way to go Arnel. Another pretty strong reminder. Again only for a minute before I remembered not to be angry. But that's TWICE on the same trip home. The reminder was that I was going to be constantly tested. And that I need to be constantly aware and learn how to deal with this on an ongoing basis. At first, I was disappointed in myself at how quickly I lost it. I KNEW BETTER. And then it occurred to me that feeling that way does not uplift what was already a vibration that been abruptly dragged lower. It's like a reminder that despite anything that happens, I can still control my OWN vibration, my own state. And that perhaps the reason those things happened to begin with was that I was already not in a good state anyway. I decided to simply let whatever I was feeling bubble up to the surface. Fortunately I as already home. More to come regarding dealing with this.

In the meantime, this Friday, which was the last Friday in February sort of just came and went. There are lots of IT things happening this weekend... G Drive access being retired, downtime tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers that all are uneventful. But if today was a predictor of things to come, we were already getting lots of calls about the G Drive... as I thought we would. I gave everyone plenty of time or so I thought and there were still some people that hadn't finished reviewing files. I mean what do I expect after this organization pretty much left more than a decade of files without any maintenance. Anyway the PLAY-OF-THE-DAY was having some nice fried shrimp over rice for lunch overlooking DTLA skyline from the FRB perch. I had lunch alone today, simply because the usual group was in meetings. On a Friday afternoon. I also sent Lisa a text asking how it went with her phone, still feeling a bit embarassed at myself at pretty much pushing her off at hand-off last night. I realize now that THAT was ME trying manufacturing drama, the very thing that used to irritate me about Lisa. There was no need for that. Who knows what she's thinking now. But whatever it was, it was best to send the text and leave it at that. And I prepared myself not to see Johnnie for the next 3 days, for the entire weekend. It's not my turn and that's that. Maybe it was all that which contributed to the negative energies on the drive home. I went to the store and got myself some ground turkey taco style. I figured it would be cheaper and much more convenient to cook this thing than wait a half hour to get a burrito and some street tacos down the street. And I still had all that leftover beef stew also. After dinner I took a long walk around the neighborhood. I was barely at 3000 steps when I got home anyway. I needed a long walk. And tried to clear my head about all the negative stuff that came up today, pretty much without any of the familiar external stimuli. It wasn't Lisa that caused it, it wasn't work, it wasn't anything...other than traffic. Maybe I was still focused on my EGO lesson from the other day. After all, all suffering comes from a perceived LACK of something. I remembered that the ego had 3 main priorities: IDENTIFICATION, SELF-PRESERVATION, and CONTROL. And so I had no doubt that everything negative this evening was all about the ego still trying to be in control. And that I would have to come up with a better action plan when it does. Otherwise, I would be a walking ball of negativity wouldn't I. Not good. Not good at all. I spent the rest of the evening binge watching on Netflix's Hunters. About a bunch of Nazi-hunting vigilantes in 1970s New York. What was it about that series that made me watch it until the wee hours in the morning? Couldn't be that I was trying to be distracted. Anyway I didn't go to sleep until it was almost 3 AM. Going to be a late morning tomorrow. Lucky I have absolutely nothing going on.