More Lessons on Overcoming Fear

I hadn't gotten a meeting notice with my boss in many months. She's pretty much left me alone all this time, and for a while, which I appreciate. Which was why I was plenty surprised when I got one today. She had a list of stuff to talk about. None of stuff she asked for on her list were so tough that they couldn't be done in the next couple of weeks, or at least I'd be able to get a plan together for them. Still, I got an immediate negative reaction from myself. It reminded me of the time Johnnie and i were coming back from the San Diego Zoo last year and she wanted to meet about Sharepoint. I felt the same negative reaction then, almost like a panic. It was a fear that started in my gut and almost gave me goosebumps. Wow. What was that all about?! Am I getting fired? [Why am I thinking that?] That would be GUILT obviously. That I think my job is on the line when my boss had given zero indication that it was really is just a whole bunch of INSECURITY on my part. I reminded myself that last year, we ended up meeting about Sharepoint and I was worried about nothing. Like this time I'm pretty sure. Just my ego and my faulty past programming doing its thing. And it's something I have to work on. NOTICE and CORRECT. That is the next step here.

As far as the rest of the day, there was the rant-fest that was the Director's Meeting in the morning. I don't think it was all that productive to be honest, other than we did manage to vent. Sometimes we just have to let each other know we're doing the best job that we can. Anyway that was sort of a momentum-creator for me doing work for the rest of the day actually. It sort of put me in the mood. But really, this being a Thursday and all, I was more focused on later on tonight, which would be hand-off night. When I picked Johnnie up at STAR, he was doing a word puzzle. Sometimes I think they learn as much at STAR than regular school LOL, which is a very good thing. On the way home we detoured to McDonald's and I picked him up a Happy Meal for his dinner. Hey he hadn't eaten one of those things in a while, I figured no harm in a little break in the routine. And then we went home and we did some subtraction exercises. I think he is well ahead of his peers. Anyway it isn't a competition at his age. He learns fast that much I'm sure and that is plenty good enough. I wanted to give him some sort of reward so when he asked to watch Frozen 2. Yet again, how could I refuse? Tonight I knew Lisa would come early and she called at 6 PM which meant Johnnie was only going to be able to watch just about a half hour of the movie. It was plenty good enough for him. By the time Lisa got there to pick him up it was barely 6:30 PM. Much as I would have loved to just hand him over really to save myself some emotional residue more than anything, it was Lisa that always wanted to talk. I had no interest in whatever she wanted to talk about actually but I also reminded myself the lesson there is to be nice about it anyway. Furthermore, I reminded myself that what you don't like about another person is that which you don't like about yourself anyway. Could that be? Could I be that yakky-downloader at times? Perhaps. Again what I needed was to practice is COMPASSION. I listened until she was ready to go and then I finished my 11,000 steps. It was still only 9 PM when I got done. I could have gone to bed early like I usually do when Johnnie stays with me. But I just kept on watching YouTube videos and before I knew it it was already almost midnight. Ahhh! How did that happen? Oh well...