President's Day Off

As outlined in the previous post, I had a nice start to my day. Not just with the internal work and meditation stuff but also because I got up, went to the apartment gym and eked out a 2+ mile run. OK it wasn't 3 miles. But it wasn't nothing either. In fact I felt pretty good after getting it done. It almost OKs me chilling out for the rest of the day on the couch LOL. I put on my loose sweats and my old T-shirt for the run with the intention of getting a shower in immediately after said run. The clothes never came off the rest of the day. I even posted a pic I took at the very end of the day when it was already 5 PM and I had come from Ralphs to pick up some chicken for dinner. Still with the same clothes. Hey I'm allowed. It's my day off. What did I do? Well right after the run I made myself breakfast. Cheese omelette and Earl Grey. And then I went right back to the videos. And I found one by Dr Alex Lloyd and the Healing codes. Basically, another energy healing modality but similar to the M-Power by Colette Streicher in that in calls on the Superconscious to find stuff you might not even know exists, or stuff beyond your recollection. And asks those to get healed.  One thing I am starting to believe is that our energetic "selves" does exist and is bigger than the physical world that we have gotten more used to. I do believe that we have forgotten our connection to that energy world and that it is just as important as the physical world, perhaps even more so. Which is probably why I'm so drawn to it now... kind of like I'm one of those that are awakening up to this new paradigm. What that means I have yet to find out. But it's a good uncertainty. Anyway I didn't leave the house the rest of the day. I ate lunch in since I still had plenty of food from the last couple of days. Finally at 4 PM I decided to move around and get some steps in. I walked to B of A to get some cash for the week. Then walked to Ralphs to get some chicken for tonight's dinner. I decided to try to make lemon chicken and angel hair pasta. I will say that the chicken breasts I bought were so thick, not even 10 minutes on one side of the frying pan was enough. But in the end, I had myself some pretty good chicken and pasta. And by then I was already at 7500 steps barely at 5 PM. All I had to do was cruise through the rest of the 11,000 steps before I even picked up Johnnie.

As it was I didn't pick up Johnnie until almost 8 PM. That's because Lisa called me at 7:15. She did that knowing full well I was headed over there at 7:30. Or did she really just not have it in her mind? In any case she was in "talk" mode. I guess they had spent the day at Descanso Gardens and Mike V was still around and hadn't left yet but was walking the neighborhood. Lisa talked as if she was a host that wanted to get rid of her guests but couldn't LOL. Anyway she sounded like she had fun. This was the kind of hanging out she really digs anyway. The funny thing was that invariably we talked about the shortcomings of friends and family... and talked about her dad again. I guess they were supposed to go shoe shopping today but Lisa hung out at Descanso instead. Just Lisa being Lisa. But of course her dad was disappointed. And could only lash out the only way he knew how to express himself. I actually feel sorry for the guy. I could relate. It would have made his entire day to hang out with Lisa. The way it would make mine just to be with her. But when Lisa is in willy-nilly-just-hanging-out mode … social butterfly mode I call it … she won't see any of that. She'll even wonder why you feel bad. Of course when the shoe is on the other foot she will call you on it. Given the opportunity, she had to bring up a couple of instances where she felt put off by stuff I said. I'm sure they were just words to fill gaps. To not have moments of uncomfortable silence. That she would take them personally just underscores how fragile her self-view is. Does she really give a crap of stuff I say? Why? And then when we talked about our past, she mentioned how lonely she had gotten when she was with me. I felt bad for her. I may have been partly responsible for that. But not 100% responsible. Did she forget I had a life too? And that marriage means co-existence give-and-take? I asked for forgiveness if I made her feel bad and that she was ok to tell me when I did that. Just so I can make an adjustment. I tried to remind her if I get emotional it's because I tend to try to defend her. I brought up the Christmas week night at the Westside pavilion when it was raining like hell and she was on the phone with Dr Lin. I got mad at Lisa because she was allowing herself to be taken advantage of. Instead she got mad at me for being mad. Confusion all around and that was unfortunate. And I still see she sees me as a target for her angry self that wants to get mad at someone. Any one. It's ok. I can get through this one. I remind myself that it's about ME. ME trying to get a rise out of MYSELF and attracted Lisa's energy. With that distinction it was much easier not to have a reaction at all. I picked up Johnnie and he immediately woke up knowing he was hanging out with his dad. Just like yesterday. We went and got him some chicken Mcnuggets and milk. And he got to drawing and listening to Frozen 2 songs. It was all good. But then it's back to school tomorrow and back to work for me. Still it was a good day off. Any day off is good.