Lessons first day of February version

So today is the first day of February. A brand new month. And not lost on me was that January is already gone and I'm at the same place that I was - seemingly anyway - than when 2020 started. This is how I ended up letting 30 years go by. I simply didn't do a good enough job of following through and sharpening my focus. But I also need to forgive myself for that. And for January. And I have to start over. To that end, I had a nice meditation session this morning first thing and what i focused on was the outcomes that I wanted. I asked my Inner Self what was preventing me from getting THAT which was what I wanted. I presumed to focus on the feeling of FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE which gave me the feeling of freedom. But i also had thoughts on what I needed to express more in terms of my passions and what I wanted to do. I love to learn. I'm good at culling information and resources together.  Is that enough to create my 2nd income stream? Maybe 3rd or 4th? And then I focused on how I got to be successful at having my job and doing the work that I do. I need to focus and project that same competence in the "work" of creating new occupations for me that created as much or more of my current income level. And it occurred to me that I must "attack" that occupation the same way I go about my job. Clock in (mentally anyway). Focus on the outcomes by the day or by the project. Plan these projects. Get resources together. Create timelines. Make things happen. Provide massive value. Measure how I succeed. All those things from my job that I am already very competent at doing and getting results. I have to do the same stuff. The meditation session also brought some stuff to the surface. Internal blockages still. The FEAR that came up was fear of failure from not having the income constancy of a job. THAT I have to continue to work on. It's all I know for now. I need to challenge that thought. Why can't I just learn to do THAT if i truly love learning the most? I can learn anything couldn't I? 
And then I got on the video from Aaron Abke about the ego and its need for attention which feeds it and the awareness that it is constantly harboring guilt and that FORGIVENESS is the only thing that can counteract it. We must accept our darker nature but we must also learn to control it and focus more on our natural light. And then the Teal Swan video on how time is a man-made construct and we must focus on our passions rather than trading our time for money. When we're focused on our passions time becomes almost irrelevant. Kind of appropos to the earlier stuff I wrote about a job wasn't it? So do I give myself a timeline or Not? It is February 1 should I give myself 29 days to manifest something to make that "skill" more believable to me? [do i really need a timeline for that? can't I do it now?]. Can I manifest $20,000 by the end of February? I go back to my golf game last Sunday where I know I simply couldn't hold my focus and sustain it more than a couple of holes. How do i reconcile this with needing to be so absorbed in my passion that time sort of goes away? Lots to absorb, lots to process. How do I keep my mind from wandering too much. I feel like I'm all over the place this morning. Maybe a little bit overwhelmed even. Before I knew it the morning had passed and it was noon already and I hadn't left the couch. Is that good?

It was such a nice day though it would be a shame not to take advantage of it. I had already stayed in and I chose not to go to Bristol Farms to get a turkey sandwich at lunch which had sort of become somewhat of a routine. Today I just realized that I had so much food in the fridge that I baked the frozen halibut in the freezer, opened up the bag of ready made rice and voila... lunch! And then afterwards I knocked off for about 1 1/2 hours for my afternoon nap. It was past 3 PM before I decided I had to get off the couch. I hadn't done any activity, the steps log was at barely 1000. Oh well,  I had to do grocery shopping anyway. And so I did the Ralphs, Trader Joe's routine and made a stop at Marukai along the way to pick me up some Japanese food. Hadn't been to that place since the last time I did the hand-off many months ago now. It's not that I didn't have a Japanese store near me. Quite the contrary actually, it's just that the specific Korean noodles I liked I saw here and I didn't see at Mitsuwa or at Ninjiya on Sawtelle. Maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough. Anyway I got them now. My thinking was that I was not going to eat pizza tomorrow on Super Bowl Sunday. And so I loaded up on Asian food LOL. I thought about doing some more study videos tonight but I was all studied out. I think I need to let this morning's lessons process. And there's also golf tomorrow to help me integrate and practice manifesting. That is where I'm at really. Practicing manifesting skills. Tonight I saw the Lakers finally play like their real selves and win the 2nd game of a back-to-back in Sacramento, matching last years season win total weeks before the All Star Break. It's unbelievable now that they only won 37 games last year. And then I finally got around to watching the movie Jojo Rabbit. I really liked the movie. It ended up being somewhat of an allegory like District 9 about how we demonize those that aren't like us. So apropos to our current divided country wasn't it? It became they and us. And then when we find out that all they are... are people. Just like us. When we see them as human beings, suddenly those divisions become less apparent and less important. And it tied in to the lessons from this morning. We are all connected. Division is an illusion. We must never forget.