Just Another Thursday

I would like to think that today was just another Thursday. And it was really. Except that right in the middle of my morning meditation as I woke up, I started to cough violently and I noticed that my shoulders were extremely tight, as was my upper back. These were physical manifestations of... what I'm not quite sure. I was stressed since the end of last weekend and definitely through the beginning of this week until yesterday. But I'm not sure why I'm still feeling the residue of stress right now. That would be the biggest reason why I'm experiencing all kinds of stiffness in my upper body. But I'm also feeling some hot flashes and I could feel the anxiety still present. Why I don't know. I do know it is 100% mental and I need to do something internal about it. It also has something to do with an old fear from more than 25 years ago. The other day I had a dream... or maybe the playing of a memory from childhood. This older kid mugged me and stole a watch I just got. It happened in the Philippines. I'm trying to dredge up the core belief that may have been implanted because of that incident. Is it that the world isn't safe? That people can't be trusted? Could this be why I get irritated at people in general? That they keep behaving below MY expectations? I was just a kid then. My parents weren't even around when it happened. But it happened. And it's ok to have an awareness of your surroundings. But it's also ok not to generalize that all people are bad. And that they will disappoint you. Because if that is what I focus on, then they WILL disappoint. I have to remind myself that THAT is not the reality I'm embracing here. And that I can choose. And while there is THAT event, I also remember losing my tuition money that my dad gave me and someone finding it and turning it in. People are good too. You have to believe. As I drop Johnnie off and watch him get in line I wonder how all these kids will turn out. For every Johnnie that does as he is asked and puts his stuff away on his own, there is a Julian who's mom implored him to do the same thing at least 10 times. The key is not to judge. And the key is to learn. Obviously Lisa and I are doing something right. And that's a good thing. And so I high-fived Johnnie and went on to work. DEATH OF THE THINKPAD  I actually had a pretty good project I was invested in today. I wanted to turn my Chromebook at work into an Ubuntu desktop like I had at home. HAD being the operative word here. I wrecked the screen of that Thinkpad I had been using somehow. I pulled it out to work on it while I was watching videos with Johnnie and then the screen didn't work anymore. I must have done something vad to it inadvertently. In any case, I knew that the screen going bad is something you can not recover on a laptop. And so like a badly wounded and suffering animal I just had to put it down. This morning I took out the hard drive and declared it dead. Sigh. That Thinkpad served me well for the past year. But now I don't have a primary to work with at home. I do not want to work on the DELL. I guess I have to find another device. But first things first, I need to get all the files that were there. Hence, turning the Chromebook into Ubuntu. I got it done too by the end of the day, but not quite the same Ubuntu that I'm used to. I think I will have to try again. Anyway I picked up Johnnie at school, gave him popcorn chicken for dinner from KFC and by 7 PM Lisa was over to pick him up. I wasn't so concerned with lollygagging and making plans because I knew Lisa was working on Saturday and I would be seeing Johnnie then. In fact, we are headed to San Diego that day to see my family. And so hand-off done, including a cute pic of Johnnie "driving", I finished my steps and tried to decompress by starting to clean up around the house. Living room and dining room all done. I'm ready to go to bed :) I might have titled it just another Thursday... but was it really? I think not.