Again With Lessons

 

I figured today would be somewhat chill... the last week of the month always is at work. But then again you never know anymore these days. I didn't write down a list this morning simply because I just wanted to focus on keeping my vibration high for the entire day. And I thought that would even be easier since it's the new mid-week Johnnie hand-off to Lisa. Except that already I could sense distraction when I did that this morning. There was the distraction of leaving Johnnie's VANS shoes at my apartment and sending him off with the wrong shoes... God forbid Lisa would notice. And so I had to go back to the apartment and make the switch. And when I went back to drop them off, there was Eusebio Lisa's gardener. Obviously there was another project. Why I had to to make a dumb comment like "Be patient with her" I don't know. There was no need for that. And it only served to make me feel dumb as I drove off. Not a good start to the whole keep-my-vibration-high thing. I went to get gas, which would be the first time I'm filling up in almost 6 weeks! And then went on home to do a couple of meetings. But really I just wanted to enjoy a nice warm, almost-summer like day. So much so I went for a light run-walk before i made myself lunch. Enjoyed the signs in my neighborhood showing solidarity to our front line healthcare workers. They are, after all, the warriors now. Anyway the plan was to work-work-work then Lisa mentioned something about attending a birthday at her office for one of her staff. What about keeping away from people does she not understand? And obviously she's taking johnnie too. I put up an energetic "bubble" of protection around him and her too, though grudgingly. And agreed to have her drop him off around 3:30 so we could do our Wednesday night routine. That would be dinner at Panda Express obviously. Somehow it was not a surprise when 3:30 came and no Lisa. 4 PM came. 4:30. I even finished my afternoon huddle already at 4:45 before I started leaving texts. Finally around 5 PM she called. Apparently she had been caught up doing something with Johnnie at her office. Wow. what a shock there. Mom and son got busy making Johnnie's mouth impression. And then turned it around by telling me it was actually a present for me. As if it was something I actually wanted. I can only shake my head. She absolutely is disrespectful with my time when it's my turn. Even when it stood to benefit her when she was late more than an hour meeting up for the hand-off last week, this time me giving Johnnie back. She just loses track of time. And then she tells me she did not finish Johnnie's homework as well. I don't understand why she can't just zip through it and frankly by the time she gave me all the explanations, I just wanted her gone. I didn't want to hear anymore. If this is what I'm pushing out then clearly I need to do a hell of a lot of work on myself. I already started to tell myself NO REACTION NO REACTION. It is me manifesting conflict and I need to obviously turn that around. It is me manifesting disrespect to myself. Right then and there all I wanted to do was to get to the routine I'm familiar with. And go from there to a more positive space. First thing is to let Lisa leave. And then go get dinner at Panda Express Westwood. And then have dinner with Johnnie. And then after dinner finish off whatever homework she left for Johnnie to do still. I posted a pic of that. Johnnie actually loves doing his lessons with me. He knows he does not get to watch a video until he does them. And he was only all too happy to finish his math. And so it was that what I wanted and intended to focus on today, which was to keep my vibration high, was TESTED immediately and I did not feel like I passed the test. I definitely have to work on my expectations with other people, and still with the patience. And maybe, just maybe, I am expecting things to not go my way more than the other way around. Why NOT intend to have Lisa drop Johnnie off when i want, without conflict? Or at least have her apologize. I mean she did not say I'm sorry or anything like that. Would I have felt better if she did? You BET. Maybe that's what i need to work on. To intend to have my feelings respected. Ok then. We'll try again tomorrow.Can I at least think of a few things that went well today? It WAS a nice day out. And co-workers thanked me for helping them with their projects. So I'm doing good at work. Sr Ruth in particular. I helped her do her board packet. And actually Johnnie and I did well with his homework. And I actually worked up a sweat at lunch. I probably should have worked on intending to have more positive energies in more areas today. We will have to do just that tomorrow.