Slowly I Wake

So looking at yesterday's list, it would appear that I manifested the reverse of the outcomes that I wanted. To be fair, they are on the way or at least I have to detach and let them BE on the way. And I did get to spend a little time with Johnnie. And so my feeling is that I do have to work on my vibration and my thought patterns and emotions and I am focusing on those for today's list. 


Today's list:
I intend to focus on my MENTAL DIET and be consistent.
I intend to have at least one M&M moment with Johnnie.
I intend to receive $200 today.
I intend to receive a freebie other than money of some sort today.
I intend to finish pending work stuff today.

I was supposed to bring croissants to Rockenwagner to Lisa at 10 AM today. And then play with Johnnie for a couple of hours while Lisa played the piano. THAT was the plan. Nothing else. Except that when I placed my online order to Rockenwagner the earliest pick-up time available  was 11 AM. That takes care of picking it up to bring to Lisa's at 10 AM. When I texted her about it, she immediately called back and Johnnie quickly jumped on the call and invited me over for breakfast. OK then. And so quite spontaneously, I found myself enjoying an omelette courtesy of Lisa at her house and then playing with Johnnie afterwards. We DID go to Rockenwagner together and finally pick up Johnnie's butter croissants and I even posted a pic of us complying with the city ordinance on facemasks outside. Today the rain finally let up paving the way for a beautiful day out and we took advantage of that. We played with puzzles outside on the front lawn while Lisa played the piano and before I knew it it was already noon when she ventured out. In the meantime she had fielded at least 3 calls from friends and family, including Sylvia. I really wonder why she made the comment about how depressed she was last week when I took Johnnie for 5 hours in the middle of the day. I don't think she looked up and noticed him for more than 10 minutes all morning. Never mind that I was around, she was on the phone constantly. I let her play as long as she wanted. And I stayed so long I even made lunch. Chicken noodle soup for Johnnie, and lamajeune for Lisa and I. She augmented that with some chicken nuggets that I baked up intending them for Johnnie but I have to remind myself that Johnnie eats specific things at Lisa's house because she only feeds him specific things. And so he wouldn't eat the chicken whereas he would have had he been at my apartment. Anyway we did actually enjoy a pretty nice lunch and already I had fulfilled the M&M moment with Johnnie simply going back to my apartment and constructing him a facemask from his old dinosaur T-shirt that no longer fit. I went back home around 2 PM. Lisa wanted to go for a bike ride with Johnnie which was completely understandable because she had been playing piano all morning and needed to get out of the house. I decided to go home and not join them and instead focus on some "learning needs"... and maybe get a nap in too.

LESSON FOR TODAY: Everything is YOU pushed out. Everyone in your life is showing up how you perceive or believe them and yourself to be in every moment. No matter how subtle or fleeting the thought/belief may be, you are literally creating your experiences with people because of how you perceive them and yourself to be.
The moment things shift with people is the moment your natural belief/knowing about them and about yourself shifts. Or in the case of people you don’t know, you will experience from them what you think of yourself. 
I think the big A-ha from this is how much I've been on auto-pilot in the past. As in most of the time. The fix is simple but not easy. Take yourself out of auto-pilot. Easier said than done when you've been doing it most of your life. Work on consistency. This is where the mental diet comes in. And THAT is what I have to work on. I thought about all the stuff with the Eloisa email simply being reactions on my part and they were brought on by emotional reactions earlier in the week (Art termination news) which triggered insecurities about my job and THEN brought back memories from the USC School of Dentistry and Brad and how my job got torpedoed. All negative stuff. All needing cleaning and clearing. When you add it all up, it is definite PROOF that I manifested stuff to magnify the idea of job insecurity. Which means I have to reverse that by focusing on the opposite. Providing value, creating job security, being acknowledged at my job. All stuff I need to push out instead.
Which brings us to the other focus of the day. You must change the impressions or beliefs or patterns in your subconscious mind to match the experiences that you DO want. There is an underlying belief in the previous paragraph that I need to address, to clean, and to clear. And that is the belief that whatever I do isn't enough. Again the fix is to reverse that by focusing instead and impressing upon my subconscious that no matter what I do, it is already enough. And this also gives me an opportunity to find ways to work with my subconscious. Today I looked into muscle testing and some work by Dr Pamela Moss.

So tonight I was supposed to return to Lisa's for dinner. She had salmon marinating and ready to cook. I was supposed to come at around 6-ish. But I had taken a nap late in the afternoon after all and when I woke up around 4:30, I was still barely at 2200 steps. And so I ran. I did a jog/run/fast walk inside my apartment for a good hour and when all was said and done, I had gotten to 8500 steps! Talk about catching up. There was only one problem. I had eaten a McDonald's Little Mac before I took my nap and all that running had my stomach upset. I took a shower after all that running to clean up but my stomach was noticeably growling. And by the time I got to Lisa I was having some serious cramping. And it wouldn't go away, not even after a big dump in Lisa's bathroom. Sigh. Oh well, after a while I threw in the towel. I decided to go on home without having dinner. I did lie about not wanting to eat. I'm sure I was going to have to get dinner at some point. And so I pulled over on the way home and ordered a sausage, ham and pineapple pizza from Pizza Hut. And then finished my 11,000 steps. And then picked up the pizza. And ate half of it no problem. My stomach was still a little gurgly to be sure. But to be fair and honest I simply jumped at the chance to go back to my apartment and spend the rest of the evening there. Hey I had already spent 5 hours at Lisa's earlier. And I'm coming back tomorrow. I'll regroup then. In the meantime, it was more YouTube videos and more TV. I even watched a replay of the Lakers Clippers game that Yadira, Dexter, and I were at. Hard to believe that was just a month ago and a full week before we were all sent home. And tomorrow is Easter Sunday. A year ago during last year's normal I'd be cooking up hard boiled eggs for the cause of the egghunt. Not tonight. I am happy that I did have M&Ms with Johnnie, and Lisa too actually. She even mentioned how nicely things have been during this time of quarantine. At least for us. Maybe THAT is the acknowledgement I needed to hear. Hey I'll take it anytime.