A Sunday of Two Halves

I would like to say I made up the little sleep I got Saturday night with some nice sleep tonight. But I can't. That's because yet again for the 2nd night in a row I continued to binge watch on the Last Kingdom. And so for the 2nd night in a row I was lucky to get 4 hours of sleep. And was left asking myself why I did that?! This morning though before I could make myself breakfast, I got a call from Lisa asking me if I wanted to come over for breakfast. Which meant Johnnie was asking for his dad to join them for breakfast. And I was happy to just pop on over there so that I could just break the loop I got myself into with binge watching that damn show. And so it was that Lisa made me a pancake, fruit and eggs over medium for breakfast with some hot tea. A fine breakfast it was. And I got to spend time with my Little Bug first thing this morning. And I didn't even have to do breakfast. In fact, quite spontaneously, since Lisa tried to brush Zucco's teeth and he became a bit grumpy, we all took him for a walk. A walk around the block turned into a 2-mile walk all the way to Penmar St and then back. I was only all too glad to get 4500 steps out of the way this morning already. And Lisa got to pick succulents on the way. And I'll even venture to say that this was as pleasant a walk as we've had in a long time. All the way back to 2+ years ago. Even while Johnnie got tired  1/2 mile from home and I had to carry him from that point forward. As soon as we got back I made the excuse that I had to go so I could do groceries, and I planned to come back after lunch. After all, it was Lisa that asked if I could pick up groceries for her and made me a pretty significant list. Instead on the drive back to my apartment, I noticed no lines in front of Ralphs. And so I popped on in there and got Lisa's groceries. I never did make it to my apartment. I just did the shopping really quickly and headed right to Lisa's to drop them off. It would turn out that I did her grocery shopping for the week and picked up fried chicken for lunch for Johnnie but also a cooked turkey breast for Lisa too in lieu of deli turkey meat. This was definitely much better. And Lisa showed her gratitude by making me a pita bread turkey lunch wrap with babaganoush. It was perfect. Only then did I finally leave for the apartment. Lisa wanted to practice the piano and was ok with me taking Johnnie for a couple of hours. But surprisingly, Johnnie declined and said he would rather stay and play at mommy's house. That's not usual. But it was ok. I think he overheard that Courtney was finally coming over this afternoon and that was fine too. I'll go to my apartment and recharge. But not lost on me was that I had a pretty good morning already and it was turned out to be a family morning.

I should have taken a nap actually. God knows I needed it. But instead I went right back to watching the Last Kingdom. That would make it 3 full seasons that I watched in 48 hours. I was supposed to go back to Lisa's and she was going to make the tilapia that I bought for her this morning for dinner. By then, Courtney was sure to be there already too. I never did make it over to Lisa's until it was past 5 PM. And by then they were getting ready to go out biking. And there bubbled up the disconnect and distinct difference between routines centered around Johnnie. By now I would be all about getting Johnnie to eat an early dinner. Lisa, of course, is ruled by activities. And this one they were going to do superceded anything. I was invited of course but I wasn't really interested in going biking with them. I was pretty sure they would be too tired to do anything when they got back an hour-and-a-half to 2 hours later. And so I simply went back home and ate dinner myself. I was hungry already anyway. I called Lisa later just to be sure they had gotten back and to see if I was still expected to come over. And sure enough they were all too tired to do anything. I became aware that all these not-so-positive emotions came up and they all had everything to do with Courtney being there. Not that I minded it. But her presence makes everything a stark difference from when I come over and simply expect to have a quiet night. Again it was all revolving around Courtney being someone Lisa can get to do the things she wants to do with. All good and fine. But they clash with the routines I do with Johnnie. I was sure he hadn't eaten yet and it was already well past 7 PM. Nothing I could do of course except to clean and clear the negative stuff that had come up. I remind myself that it isn't really anything about Courtney just the same as the emotions around Friday that were not positive were not about Eloisa and the email she sent. They were all about my ego pushing negative stuff out. It was all about control. In the meantime, I never did get to follow up on calling Jodi. A little self-destruction going on too? AND instead of going inside for awareness, what I did tonight was to give myself a haircut. I needed it actually but I was also aware it took my attention away from something else. And I was too tired to do anything else. Finally, lack of sleep caught up with me. I knocked off by 11:30 PM...